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August 18th, 2009

11:36 pm
Fist Full O Nuts

OK, my last post really sucked ass. It's been keeping me awake at night. So, since the little assholes next door are hanging out in the street and keeping me awake, I have decided to thrill you with some riveting tales from my trip to the 2009 NFB Convention in Detroit.

One evening, I was on my way back up to my room to go to bed. I went to the bank of elevators and started feeling the walls in search of the elevator button. My usual procedure for finding the button is to place my hand on the wall below where I think the button should be. Then I sweep my hand up the wall until I run into the button. It was kind of late so there wasn't a huge mass of humanity standing around waiting for elevators, but there were still several people around. Unfortunately, there happened to be a dude standing close to the wall by the button, almost in front of it. He was also facing me but angled toward the wall a bit too. When my hand swept up, I came into contact with his crotch. The dude said "Well, Hello!" in a surprised and/amused tone. I was too embarrassed to say anything witty in return. I just ducked onto the nearest elevator as fast as I could and ran like the giant crotch-grabbing coward that I am.

I told some friends about this encounter the next day and they all pointed out that the elevator buttons aren't THAT low. True. In fact at this hotel, they were actually higher than most. But I have my routine and do it out of habit. Plus, sometimes I run into buttons that are placed low for people in wheelchairs. I just like to be thorough in my search. Anyway, to avoid a repeat of this charming little incident, I started teaching Cinnabar to find elevator buttons. I should have done that a long time ago, but I'm kind of lazy. She's learning really fast and should be a button finding expert in no time.

I should also point out that my roommate in Detroit, who I was concerned might turn out to be a psycho and murder me in my sleep, turned out to be very cool. I hung out with her and our neighbors quite a bit. My roommate's brother, who had the room next door, had a guide dog too, so Cinnabar spent a lot of time playing. In fact, Cinnabar made lots of doggy friends. We had 4 dogs out of 6 people in the group I was running around with. We set all 4 of them loose in the room a few times and let them have a big party. They chased each other and wrestled. It was just a big squirmy pile of dogs. It was hilarious. I was really impressed with how well they all got along and shared toys. It was so much fun and it was great that the dogs all had time to relax a bit after all the hard work at convention.

I mentioned that the convention was held in the world's most confusing hotel. While I am sure you've noticed that I am a great fan of hyperbole and engage in it often, I am being totally serious this time. This monstrosity of a hotel was 72 floors. It was also round. The lobby and convention hall floors consisted of concentric circles connected by random bridges here and there so that it was possible to veer and move from an outer ring to an inner ring without realizing it. It was a mobility nightmare. And if all that weren't enough, there was a labyrinth of mystery below the hotel that contained restaurants and shops and connected to other hotels and office buildings in the complex. This was of course, round as well. I never really quite figured that part of it out, but I still managed to get where I was going by wandering an asking random strangers to point me in the right direction. I did manage to get a good grasp on the hotel lobby and meeting areas thanks to repetition and the fact that Cinnabar is a genius. If I did get confused, I could always count on Cinnabar to find the elevators so I'd just go there and start over. It was definitely a challenging environment, but all things considered, I did pretty damn good on my own. I learned a lot about my dog and I know the experience has made us a better team so it was worth the frustration.

Well, it sounds like the assholes from next door are gone so maybe I can get some sleep now. Later, peeps.