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December 18th, 2007

09:58 am

I have survived the killer ice storm. We lost several limbs off the pecan tree, but luckily, they didn't do any damage. We lost power last Monday, got it back Wednesday, lost it again Friday and got it back for good on Saturday. It was crazy. Fortunately, Mom and Dad never lost power so we had a warm place to stay. Considering that there are about 100,000 people in OKC who still don't have power, I feel very fortunate to have gotten through it so easily. We were lucky to get power back so fast after our second outage. Randy happened to see a couple of trucks from the electric company near our neighborhood and talked them into coming over. They fixed the problem right away. If Randy hadn't done that, we would probably still be without power. I don't know how he gets away with stuff, but Randy can talk anyone into anything. It's amazing.

I realize this information is coming out of nowhere, but I am having another eye surgery today. It's not really a big deal. The Hunky Retina Guy is going in to try to clean out some scar tissue and replace the oil that is in my eye. If everything goes well and my retina is still in decent shape, there's a chance I'll get a little vision back. It wouldn't be much, just shapes and shadows at best, but every little bit helps. I decided to give this a shot since I really have nothing to lose. I can't see anything except bright light. The light I do see is totally useless to me and actually kind of irritating, so what the hell. If it works, I might be able to get enough vision back to give me a little information about my surroundings and if it doesn't work, I'll still see nothing. Plus, even if I don't get some vision back, at least swapping out the oil should take care of the pressure that has been building up in my eye. If I don't do this surgery, I'm always going to wonder what might have happened. I think always wondering about it would be more annoying than going through the surgery and have it not work. I feel OK about the whole thing. I'm a little nervous, which explains why I've been up since 4 o'clock this morning, but otherwise I'm fine. HRG seems pretty pumped up and glad to be doing the surgery so that has kept me pretty calm this time around.

Speaking of HRG, when I saw him three months ago, my Mom went with me just for jollies and ended up telling him about AudreysAudities.com. Naturally, I turned many shades of red because of all the HRG stuff I had written. When I told him he was known here as the Hunky Retina Guy, he had a good laugh, so that helped to calm the minor freak-out that was going on in my head. Still, I was concerned that he'd read it and think I was a crazy stalker or something (I'm not). I went home and read all of the HRG stuff I had written. It wasn't as crazy sounding as I had remembered, but still, I'm a little embarrassed by my silliness. As usual, I think I'm getting worked up over nothing. He read it and seemed to enjoy all my nonsense, so I guess it's not a big deal. Really, I should just be happy that people actually read this crap. I bet if you add up my friends and family and now the HRG and some of his staff, I might be up to double digits in readership. I rock.

I won my fantasy football league. It was a totally improbable season for me. My team really wasn't very good because for reasons I can't understand, I completely suck at drafting for fantasy football. Fortunately, I'm good at correcting my mistakes during the season. Of the 15 players I drafted, only 3, Joseph Addai, Chad Johnson and Jeff Garcia, remained on my team at the end of the season. I started the season 0-2 and was in last place. I was practically suicidal over the crappiness of my team. My quarterback was Phillip Rivers. I lost my number 2 and 3 running backs (Carnell Williams and Sammy Morris) to injured reserve. I was so desperate for a quarterback that I made a stupid trade for Vince Young and gave up Thomas Jones. Yeah, Thomas Jones licked ass most of the season, but at least he was healthy and as it turned out, I could have used a healthy body over a worthless quarterback. I made up for this bonehead trade by getting Drew Brees for Rivers after week 4. Brees and the Saints got hot and suddenly I was finally scoring some points and started to have some hope for a respectable season. I scrounged on the waiver wire for running backs. I used Kenny Watson for a few weeks while Rudi Johnson was down. Then I used Maurice Morris for a couple of weeks. Inexplicably, someone dropped Jam al Lewis so I snagged him for a late season push because I was clever enough to know that Cleveland had a totally cupcake schedule leading up to and during the fantasy playoffs. All my agonizing and dealing paid off. My team got hot when I needed a push to get into the playoffs. I finished up as the 3 seed.

I had a monster week in the semi-finals to take out the Tom Brady/Adrian Peterson team. It helped that Peterson had his worst game ever, but even if he'd had a normal game, I still would have won thanks to monster weeks from Brees, Addai, Lewis and the Green Bay Defense. I scored 119 points in the semi's which was my highest point total of the season. It was sweet.

I went up against my Dad in the finals. I had an 11 point lead going into the late games. The only player I had left was Addai, while Dad had Tony Romo and Marion Barber. I figured I had no chance to win. After all, Romo has been the number 2 fantasy QB and has been good for 3 or more touchdowns most of the season. There was no way I could survive Romo and Barber. I was already telling myself that a second place finish after the crappy team I drafted was better than I could have hoped for. Then Romo totally stunk up the place and Dallas totally abandoned the running game. Who knew Romo would bring his girlfriend to the game and have a total meltdown? It's a festivus miracle! And now, the Screamin' Beavers are fantasy football champions. I feel like I should send Romo and Jessica Simpson a thank you card. It was so awesome and typical of my season. I'm not going to lie, I've been getting greasy wins all season. After all, I did win a game by 5 tenths of a point during a week when I only scored 50 points and the guy I was playing was the only team I out scored that week. I got greasy again when it mattered most. I might be greasy, but I am still the fantasy football champion of the world. Yay for me.

Wow, this has killed a lot of time. It's 8 o'clock. Only 4 hours until I have to be at the hospital. I am ready to get this show on the road. The waiting sucks. I'll be back with a surgery report as soon as I am coherent enough to write. Anesthesia messes with my head, so it might be a few days before my brain is at full power again. Hopefully, it will all turn out OK. Later.