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August 5th, 2002

11:11 am

Mom and Dad went out of town this weekend. (They went to Vegas without me - you bastards!) My job while they were gone was to find them a digital camera and learn how to use it before they got back. Now, I don't think letting me loose to buy electronics is the wisest course of action that they could have taken. But, I am pleased to say that I did manage to get a camera without going out of control. And, oh how I love this camera. The camera and I developed quite a strong bond over the weekend and it was Hell having to give it up this evening. But Mom and Dad assured me that the camera can come visit me, so I guess I will be OK. Let's take a look at just a few things that the camera and I did this weekend.

Sadly, I cannot say that I put the camera to very good use. Stephanie and I went to the Redhawks game and seemed to be mainly focused on players' asses. Yes, I have numerous ass photos. Very sad. Here are the highlights. This is Redhawks first baseman Travis Hafner (#48). Travis is Stephanie's favorite player because he has a great ass. He is my favorite Redhawk because he's an awesome hitter. I am also fond of his ass. (Photo ommitted)

I don't know this guy's name, but #43 is the manager of the Nashville Sounds. And Stephanie and I both agreed that he has a fantastic ass. He also had a wedding ring. Not so fantastic. But the ring didn't stop me from taking pictures. Really, just compare #43's ass to the other 2 and it is obvious that the coach's ass is quite superior. (photo omitted)

Have no fear, I did not waste my entire evening taking ass photos. I also took this lovely picture of my beer.(Photo omitted) I rarely drink, but Saturday night, I was thirsty for a beer. So I had one poured up by Stan, the best beer man in baseball, and boy was it tasty. So tasty that I felt compelled to photograph it. Isn't that an awesome picture? Kind of makes me thirsty. Too bad I don't have any beer in the house.

So as you can see, me and a digital camera is probably not a good combination. Really, who takes pictures of asses and beer? I need therapy. My website is definitely going to reach all new levels of odd now that I can add pictures. This is so cool.

OK, enough about the camera. I just checked the notebook for things to write about. Today's topic: "Dad's nasty bags-o-dinner." Last Thursday, my Dad picked me up for the Redhawks game. When I got in the car, he had a ziplock bag full of leftover roast beef. He had dumped a bunch of mustard in it and shook up the bag. He was eating this disgusting mustard mess straight out of the bag. His hand was covered in mustard. (FYI - I have also seen Dad do this to leftover hamburgers and hot dogs.) Frankly these bags-o-dinner really gross me out. Dad doesn't see why it bothers me. He claims it's no different than eating a burger/dog/roast beef sandwich without the bread. Well, I guess technically he's right. But the whole thing is so barbaric. I mean, he's covered in mustard and licking his hands like a damn caveman. And all the slurping noises when he's cleaning himself up just make my stomach turn. Ick! I guess I hate the bags-o-dinner for the same reason that I hate Carl's Jr. commercials. It's all the slurping noise. It's just gross. Really Dad, try a plate and a fork and I probably won't bitch so much - although I can't make any promises.

OK, I'm tired. I'm going to bed. I know, I didn't give my usual blow by blow account of my weekend, but basically it was spent playing with the camera and going to ball games. Nothing else of note went on. Now that I am providing visual aides on the website, I don't feel as compelled to try to make my nothing weekends sound interesting. So I'll spare you the boring details. I'm outta here. Later!