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Football season is finally here which means I am once again following the Tulsa football team all over the country for road games. Our first trip of the season was to New Orleans last weekend for a little smack down of Tulane. The game was good, but it was really the least interesting part of my weekend so I won’t dwell on it too long. TU played fairly well considering it was the first game of the season. I was pleased with special teams and defense which both appear to have improved. Although, TU was only playing Tulane so I’m not ready to shower too much praise at the moment. It remains to be seen if TU is better or if Tulane is just that bad. I also thought new quarterback, G.J. Kinne showed lots of promise. He has a very strong arm and scrambles well. I’d like to see him put a little touch on some of his throws where appropriate and at times, I got the feeling he was scrambling too soon instead of waiting for receivers to get open. If he keeps doing as much running as he did against Tulane, he’s going to get himself hurt. Still, it was good to see that he wasn’t forcing throws that just weren’t there and I think as the season goes on, he’ll trust the pocket more and things will slow down for him. Of course, maybe the pocket wasn’t really there. It’s hard to get a feel for what’s happening on the line listening to the radio but Kinne really ran a lot. There was not much of a running game other than Kinne, so maybe the O-line is a problem. In any case, Kinne looked great for a guy who hadn’t played in a game in 2 years. I’m very happy with what Kinne showed in his first outing and expect him to get even better with experience. There were obviously things to improve on, but I’ll take a road win any way I can get it.

Next up on the TU schedule is New Mexico who is coming off a pounding by Texas a&M last week. The game is in Albuquerque and TU is a 17 point favorite. It would appear to be a win for Tulsa, but who knows? Anything can happen on the road and I’m sure New Mexico is itching for a chance to get revenge for the pounding they took in Tulsa last year. Not only did TU kill the Lobos, but UNM’s quarterback suffered a season ending knee injury. That’s some serious motivation for revenge but I think TU will be ready to take care of business. I am looking forward to the trip, not only because it’s TU, but also because it will give Cinnabar an opportunity to do her business in her 10th state. I love it when my dog gets the chance to boldly go where she’s never gone before. I’m easily amused.

Now for the interesting part of the weekend… New Orleans was a blast. We spent the whole weekend kicking through the French Quarter. We spent most of our time on Bourbon Street but wandered on to some of the adjoining area as well. As it happened, the TU/Tulane game coincided with “Southern Decadence”, an annual gay pride celebration. Basically,it’s Mardi Gras but with thousands and thousands of gay, mostly men, and women. It was completely awesome. Dudes were walking around in all kinds of costumes and skimpy attire. There were lots of guys in very short black leather shorts, black leather boots and nothing but black leather cross belts over bare chests. Of course there were dudes in drag as well. We saw guys dressed as sailors, firemen, a dude as Captain America and all kinds of stuff that I can’t remember. What I really loved about it is how accepting they all were. I of course got a lot of attention because of Cinnabar, but the majority of people I spoke too actually spoke to me instead of my parents and didn’t treat me like I was invisible like most people do. In fact, the only times I was treated like I was invisible was by straight people. Cinnabar got beads from some lesbians, I got hugged by random dudes who came up to tell me how beautiful my dog and I were, and I loved every minute of it. It was really an awesome experience being surrounded by such a diverse and accepting bunch of people.

Not surprisingly, a massive gay pride gathering also brought out the idiotic protesters spewing hate and discrimination all in the name of religion. These morons walked up and down Bourbon Street all weekend quoting the Bible and telling everyone they were going to Hell. And they weren’t just piling on homosexuals. They carried signs with a long list of things they were opposed to including: liberals, fornicators, masturbators, all religions other than Christianity, sports fans, money lovers, dogs and swine. There were many more things on the list, but those are the ones I remember. Basically, they were being judgmental jack offs. I have no problem with religion or religious people. I don’t happen to be particularly religious myself but I totally respect people who are and who practice what they believe. I do have a problem with people who use religion as a justification for hate which is what I believe this particular group was up to. It’s not my or anyone else’s place to say whether homosexuality is right or wrong. It’s a personal choice and it’s no one else’s business to pass judgment. No one lives a perfect life. I guarantee that everyone in that group of protesters has committed some act in their lives that they were protesting against. Ultimately, it’s up to each individual to answer for the choices they make. If you believe homosexuals are going to Hell, fine. That’s your business. But don’t go around trying to force your morals on everyone else. There’s no reason why we still can’t all get along and respect one another. They aren’t asking you to be homosexuals so why is it your business to try to get them to convert to your particular set of morals? Personally, I prefer to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. If you’re cool to me, then we’ll get along fine no matter whom or what you do and no matter what you believe. It’s really just all about mutual respect as far as I’m concerned.

Of course, as much as I disagreed with everything these protesters had to say, I fully support their right to come out and say it. I found it obnoxious that they were just trying to spoil everyone’s good time and I don’t believe they changed a single person’s mind, but if it makes them feel better, then whatever. It made me feel better to yell back at them and I yelled with gusto. I heckled these guys until I was hoarse and when one of them mouthed off at me, I gave him the finger accompanied by a profanity or two. I probably shouldn’t have done that, but I’d had a Hurricane so I was a bit bolder than usual. While I was heckling, there were lots of gay guys standing around laughing and applauding. I started chatting with a couple from Florida and we had a lot of good laughs together. I let them pet Cinnabar. One of the guys really liked Cinnabar and the feeling was mutual. She was licking him all over his face. When she started up with the licking, the guy’s partner turned to me and said, “I like to do that too.” I cracked up. That was seriously hilarious.

As I mentioned, one of the signs these clowns were carrying listed “dogs and swine” for some reason. Since I am accompanied by a dog 24/7 and am quite fond of dogs in general, I was curious to find out what their beef was with dogs. Dad and I went up to one of the protesters and asked what they had against dogs. The guy said he didn’t have a problem with dogs so Dad pointed out the sign in question. The guy said it was a reference to a Bible verse and quoted it to us. Unfortunately, I don’t remember the cite and I don’t care enough to look it up. His explanation was kind of hard to follow, but from what I gathered, dogs and swine were just a metaphor fore evil doers. I asked the guy if this was the case and he just froze and seemed all confused. I’m pretty sure he didn’t know what a metaphor was. He stammered and babbled a bit and never really answered my question. It was clear that the guy knew his argument was wrong and didn’t know how to handle being confronted by a blind person with a service dog. We finally just gave up and walked away. It was a really good time. I love confusing idiots.

The only negative thing about the weekend was all the trouble I had with access issues. I guess they don’t see a lot of service animals on the French Quarter because I had more people tell me I couldn’t bring my dog into stores and restaurants over one weekend than I’ve had in 2 years of traveling with a dog. It was nuts. I had to argue my way into 2 or 3 stores and 1 restaurant. At the stores, I got the owners to agree that I could stay then announced that I’d spend my money elsewhere and left. At the restaurant, the guy caved in but made us go in through the bar entrance and sat us in the bar instead of on the restaurant side. I shouldn’t have let that happen, but honestly, this trip was the first time I had had a real challenge to my right to be accompanied by my dog. I’ve been questioned a couple of times but never really been told “you can’t bring that dog in here.” It is a really strange experience. It’s humiliating and makes me feel like I am inferior to the rest of humanity. I know I shouldn’t let people make me feel like this, but it’s hard not too when you’re being treated like garbage. It’s very unsettling to face blatant discrimination like that. Every time it happened, I was almost too shocked to know what to do. I finally started carrying my ID and my cards with access laws in my front pocket so I could get to them easier. For some reason, I just had a feeling I was going to get hassled in New Orleans but I was still surprised it happened so much. I’m not totally satisfied with how I dealt with it, but I think I’ll be better prepared to deal with it next time. I think learning how to deal with access issues is just something you have to learn with experience. I have talked about it with other dog handlers and have been told what I should do, but I think it’s one of those things that takes real life experience to really get the hang of. Although, I’m not sure anyone can really get the hang of being discriminated against, but hopefully I’ll at least get better at confronting it.

I think that covers the major highlights of the trip. I ate like a pig and gained 4 pounds. No worries though, It’ll come back off. I really enjoyed myself and had lots of tasty food. I also had a couple of hurricanes, spent a ridiculous amount of money buying beads and wore myself and Cinnabar out with hours and hours of walking.

In other news, we had the fantasy football draft last week. I’m sharing my team with Mom again. We’re calling our team “Raisin’ Cane”. I’m not crazy about our team, but I think it’ll turn out all right. I never like my team’s right after the draft then I always end up in the playoffs anyway. My quarterbacks are Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco. Everyone laughed at me when I drafted Flacco, but I’ve read a lot of really good stuff about him and the Ravens and I think he’s going to have a breakout year. If not, he’s only my backup and I’ll survive. My running backs are Brian Westbrook, who I swore I’d never draft again, Kevin Smith at Detroit, Felix Jones from Dallas, Leon Washington from the Jets, Willis McGahee from Baltimore and Chris Wells from Arizona. At first glance, I’m not very deep at RB, but again, I feel like Jones and Washington have potential to step up and have breakout seasons. Wells is in a good position too. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a starter before long. My receivers are Larry Fitzgerald, Marcus Coulston, Chad – I refuse to call him Ocho-Cinco- Johnson, Derrick Mason and Nate Burleson. I’m feeling pretty decent about my receivers except for the fact that Fitzgerald is on the Madden NFL cover. That Madden curse is pretty creepy. I hope my guy doesn’t end up on injured reserve.. The rest of my team consists of the Philly defense and Chicago’s kicker. Not a great team but maybe I can make it work. We’ll see how it goes.

I have another team this year that I am sharing with my friend Benny. We’re playing in the KREF fantasy football league this year with Toby Rowland and TJ Perry from the T-Row in the Morning Show. There’s no money on the line but I’m looking forward to annoying people and generally kicking ass. We’re calling ourselves Blind Rage. Yes, we are hilarious. To get in the league, Toby had people call in and give reasons why they should be allowed to play. I was just going to call in and tell him why Benny and I should get in, but then a poem just randomly sprung into my head and once I got going it just sort of came together. I’m not really the poetry type, but I hate to waste a rare creative outburst so I called in and read it on the air. It was well received and was good enough to get me in. Of course, the competition was rather weak so I’m pretty sure I could’ve just belched or something and gotten in. The poem had some inside jokes about other callers and crap that has happened on the show. I thought it was pretty funny, but what do I know? I’m just a dork who calls into a sports talk radio show. It’s just one show and only because I enjoy the host and all the contests they have during football season. Generally, I have no patience for talk radio of any kind. As for our team, it basically sucks balls. There was a live online draft but unfortunately, when I went to log in for the draft, I discovered that my internet service was out. I had no choice but to let Yahoo draft my team automatically. The results were marginal at best. My starters aren’t too bad, but my bench is awful. I have no depth at all and am going to have to be good on the waiver wire to salvage a decent season. Thanks a lot Cox High Speed Internet. You jerks owe me a fantasy draft.

I need to mention that Dad finished the Hotter Than Hell Hundred the last weekend in August. It was in Wichita Falls, TX and is one of the biggest bike rides in the region. He had some mechanical issues but powered through it and finished the ride. He popped a spoke just after the 40 mile mark. This caused his wheel to get out of alignment and it started rubbing on the bike frame. He eventually popped another spoke. He rode 60 miles with his tire rubbing on every stroke. Not only did this create additional resistance and make it harder to pedal but he also had to fight through the mental aspect of knowing that he was having to work harder plus worry about whether his bike was going to totally fail and cause a crash. There were mechanics along the way for repairs, but the lines were really long. By the time he finally found a line that wasn’t too bad, the guy wouldn’t fix his bike. Dad finally just decided to go and hope for the best. He made it. He wasn’t as fast as he’d hoped but he finished under circumstances that would’ve caused most people to quit. Way to go Dad! You’re the man. Next year, we’re taking the tandem.

OK, I’m outta here. I can’t believe how long this is. Hope you all enjoyed. I’ve gotta go work on my laundry and get ready for the big road trip to New Mexico tomorrow. Go TU! Toodles.

One year ago today, Dad and I took our first ride on our tandem bike which we affectionately refer to as The Beast. It's hilarious to look back on that first ride where we almost crashed and burned on our first start. Dad used to have a death grip on the handlebars and we weaved and wobbled all over the place. We got puckered up about having to ride between the poles that are placed periodically along the bike trail. We did everything we could to avoid having to make turns and we were afraid to grab the water bottle while moving because neither of us felt comfortable with one hand on the handlebars. Now, we're totally smooth on take off without even thinking about it. Not only do we have no trouble grabbing water bottles and eating snacks on the move, I spend lots of time riding with no hands. I could make sandwiches back there if I needed to. Everything on the bike is effortless now. Poles, turns or whatever. We can handle it all. It seems ridiculous now that we ever had any trouble. Anyway, in honor of the Beastaversary, Dad and I took a little 10 mile ride to celebrate and reminisce about the past year. We would've taken a longer ride, but Dad is riding the Hotter Than Hell Hundred on Saturday and is saving his legs. I considered doing the race with him, but it's a really big event. There will be about 12 thousand riders at the race and we decided that it wouldn't be a good idea to get the Beast in a crowd like that. A tandem is the 18 wheeler of bicycles. You need more room for braking and maneuvering. In a big pack, it would be real easy to get caught up in a pile up. I'm not quite ready to take that chance. Dad is going to scope it out when he rides this year. If he feels comfortable that he can keep us out of trouble on the Beast, we might try it next year. I hope we can do it. That's probably the biggest ride in the region and I just won't feel like a real rider until I've completed the HHH. I'll do it eventually.

I just finished reading "The Count of Monte Cristo" by Alexandre Dumas. That was a seriously bitchin' book. I'm not sure how I made it through high school and college without being required to read it. (Lousy American educational system.)I'm so glad I finally got around to it. I'm not sure how it's possible, but Dumas somehow takes a simple conversation set in a drawing room and makes it seem like a really intense action scene. If simple dialogue is exciting, you can imagine how thrilling the action scenes are. I don't know that I've ever had that much of an adrenaline rush from a book before. Very good stuff. I remember seeing commercials a few months back for a movie based on the book. I can't imagine how they could make a movie out of that book. They would've had to chop three quarters of the book to squeeze it into 2 hours. I'll try to watch it some time, but I know it's going to be a disappointment. There's just too much stuff going on in the book to chop down into a good movie adaptation.

I don't have anything else exciting to share. I've just been working, riding, reading and chillin' by the pool. I've been checking out a few preseason football games but it's just not the same as the real deal. I am so excited for things to get going. TU's first game is Friday, September 4 at Tulane. I'm so psyched. I'll be interested to see who TU settles on at quarterback. I'm also anxious to see if the defense is any better. The secondary was pretty weak last year but it's supposed to be improved. I guess we'll soon see.

Toodles for now.

OK, my last post really sucked ass. It's been keeping me awake at night. So, since the little assholes next door are hanging out in the street and keeping me awake, I have decided to thrill you with some riveting tales from my trip to the 2009 NFB Convention in Detroit.

One evening, I was on my way back up to my room to go to bed. I went to the bank of elevators and started feeling the walls in search of the elevator button. My usual procedure for finding the button is to place my hand on the wall below where I think the button should be. Then I sweep my hand up the wall until I run into the button. It was kind of late so there wasn't a huge mass of humanity standing around waiting for elevators, but there were still several people around. Unfortunately, there happened to be a dude standing close to the wall by the button, almost in front of it. He was also facing me but angled toward the wall a bit too. When my hand swept up, I came into contact with his crotch. The dude said "Well, Hello!" in a surprised and/amused tone. I was too embarrassed to say anything witty in return. I just ducked onto the nearest elevator as fast as I could and ran like the giant crotch-grabbing coward that I am.

I told some friends about this encounter the next day and they all pointed out that the elevator buttons aren't THAT low. True. In fact at this hotel, they were actually higher than most. But I have my routine and do it out of habit. Plus, sometimes I run into buttons that are placed low for people in wheelchairs. I just like to be thorough in my search. Anyway, to avoid a repeat of this charming little incident, I started teaching Cinnabar to find elevator buttons. I should have done that a long time ago, but I'm kind of lazy. She's learning really fast and should be a button finding expert in no time.

I should also point out that my roommate in Detroit, who I was concerned might turn out to be a psycho and murder me in my sleep, turned out to be very cool. I hung out with her and our neighbors quite a bit. My roommate's brother, who had the room next door, had a guide dog too, so Cinnabar spent a lot of time playing. In fact, Cinnabar made lots of doggy friends. We had 4 dogs out of 6 people in the group I was running around with. We set all 4 of them loose in the room a few times and let them have a big party. They chased each other and wrestled. It was just a big squirmy pile of dogs. It was hilarious. I was really impressed with how well they all got along and shared toys. It was so much fun and it was great that the dogs all had time to relax a bit after all the hard work at convention.

I mentioned that the convention was held in the world's most confusing hotel. While I am sure you've noticed that I am a great fan of hyperbole and engage in it often, I am being totally serious this time. This monstrosity of a hotel was 72 floors. It was also round. The lobby and convention hall floors consisted of concentric circles connected by random bridges here and there so that it was possible to veer and move from an outer ring to an inner ring without realizing it. It was a mobility nightmare. And if all that weren't enough, there was a labyrinth of mystery below the hotel that contained restaurants and shops and connected to other hotels and office buildings in the complex. This was of course, round as well. I never really quite figured that part of it out, but I still managed to get where I was going by wandering an asking random strangers to point me in the right direction. I did manage to get a good grasp on the hotel lobby and meeting areas thanks to repetition and the fact that Cinnabar is a genius. If I did get confused, I could always count on Cinnabar to find the elevators so I'd just go there and start over. It was definitely a challenging environment, but all things considered, I did pretty damn good on my own. I learned a lot about my dog and I know the experience has made us a better team so it was worth the frustration.

Well, it sounds like the assholes from next door are gone so maybe I can get some sleep now. Later, peeps.

Hello, my name is Audrey and I'm a procrastinator... Yes, I've been meaning to write about my adventures in Detroit for about a month now, but you know how it is. Basically, I suck.

Anyway, Detroit was a confusing combination of awesome and frustration all wrapped up in a tiny little ball of mixed emotions. I really enjoyed getting to see my friends and I enjoyed randomly getting to know random strangers everywhere I went. I also saw lots of interesting speeches and learned about some cool new gadgets. But on the other hand, the convention was held in the world's most confusing hotel and the crowds were almost too much to deal with at times. There were about 2,800 people registered for the convention and I spent a lot of my time bumping into people, waiting for elevators, getting completely squashed in packed elevators and being ridicuously lost. There were times when I questioned my sanity for subjecting myself and my dog to such madness. But, overall, it was a very positive experience and it was good for me and Cinnabar. Cinnabar rose to the challenge and worked her ass off during convention. Her guidework was amazing and I am so proud of her for being tough as nails and never getting freaked out by the chaos. My pup is awesome.

A recurring topic at this year's convention was the importance of Braille literacy. The discussions about Braille made a very strong impression on me. In fact, I was so impressed by the presentations that I have finally been forced to admit to myself that although I took the time to learn the Braille code, I really have no business calling myself a Braille reader. The problem is that I am too painfully slow at reading Braille for it to be any use to me. Because self improvement is always a good thing, I have challenged myself to improve my Braille skills. I know the code. I just need practice to build up my speed. In order to achieve my goal, I have purchased a Braille copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone and have been making myself read at least an hour a day. I have missed a few days here and there, but I have been doing pretty good. When I started, it was taking me about 30 minutes to read a page. Now I can read a page in about 12 minutes. Still slow, I know, but the improvement is encouraging. I'm about 85 pages into the book now. I figure by the time I get through the whole series, I ought to be a decent Braille reader. It has been a fun project and I am enjoying the process. Although I can read audio books much faster, I am discovering that it is a more satisfying experience to read rather than listen.

I decided on the Harry Potter series because I figured it would be helpful to read something familiar as I try to refresh my memory about some of the Braille contractions that I have trouble remembering. Since I have red the whole series 3 times just since February, I think it's safe to say that I am familiar with it and I have no doubt that it will hold my attention a 4th time through. Also, it will be fun to have a complete Braille copy for my personal library because Harry Potter is da bomb! I resisted reading the series for years because I have an aversion to popular phenomena but my curiosity got the best of me and of course I couldn't pull myself away from it. The first time through, I read the whole series in 10 days. I was obsessed. And of course I have now seen all the movies. I just saw Half Blood Prince for the second time. I was kind of pissed the first time through because the movie strayed from the book so much, but the second time through I knew what to expect and was able to watch without nitpicking and enjoyed the movie more. I am also somewhat obsessed with Alan Rickman, the actor who plays Professor Snape in the movies. Firstly because he is just dead on perfect in his portrayal of Snape and secondly because he has the greatest voice ever! I think I love his voice even more than James Earl Jones, Gregory Peck and Morgan Freeman. It's just hella-awesome. Yes, I know I am a gigantic nerd. Let's just move on.

In other more recent news, I went to a totally bad ass concert last weekend. One of the greatest ska bands of all time, The English Beat, came to Oklahoma City and played at some joint I'd never heard of before. The place was called the Rock Theater and it is in a renovated movie theater. I was expecting the place to be a dump, but it was really nice. I'd say the place could probably hold 1,000 people or so, but on this particular night, there were only about 75 people there. The band was kind of pissed off about the small turnout and decided to put on a kick ass show to reward the people who were there. They put on a hell of a show. They played for 2 hours and played 11 of the 14 songs off their best album "I Just Gan't Stop It". They also played several songs by General Public which was formed by some of the members of The English Beat after they originally broke up. I really can't find words to describe how great this show was. Other than the first time I saw Flogging Molly and Cake, I'd say this was the most fun I'd ever had at a concert. It was just incredible. I'm so glad I went. I almost wimped out because I had been up since 4 in the morning for an 80 mile bike ride and I wasn't sure I'd have the energy for a concert. I was a little tired, but once the show started , I perked right up. You couldn't help being energized by this band. I was so pumped up after the concert that I actually had trouble getting to sleep. It was amazing.

The cycling is going well. The farthest we've gone is 90 miles. We've been 80 seveeral times too. We're still kicking ass. Dad is riding the Hotter Than Hell 100 in 2 weeks and is ready to go. We're ahead of schedule to be ready for the race we're doing in October.

Oh yeah! I saw a no hitter at the Redhawks Friday night. Redhawks pitcher Luis Mendoza threw a complete game no hitter for the first no hitter by an Oklahoma City player since the team changed its name to Redhawks and moved to the Bricktown Ballpark in 1998. I have now seen 3 no hitters, 1 of which was a perfect game by Rick Helling when the team was still called the '89ers. I also saw a no hitter at the Brick thrown against the Redhawks by Brett Tomko while he was with Tacoma. It's pretty exciting to be in the stands for a no hitter.

That's about all the interesting crap that's been going on lately. I'm just chillin' and trying to keep myself calm as I await the official start of football season. I love football! I can't wait for the season to begin.

And on a completely pointless and random note, Cinnabar is now on Twitter! Yes, I know it's ridiculous. I tried to tell her that dogs don't use Twitter but she won't listen to me. She's a very stubborn dog. She gets an idea in her head and can't be reasoned with. It's very frustrating. So check her out if you like. Her user name is @cinnabar924 and you can follow her here.

OK, I think that's all I've got. I know I kind of glossed over Detroit, but so much time has passed and it would take forever to go into the whole thing. Maybe I'll tell some stories later. For now, I'm too tired so you'll have to deal with what I give you. Toodles for now.

Dude! Today was such an awesome day! First, Dad and I got up and took a 70 mile ride. It was a good ride even though we got rained on for the first 10 or 15 miles. By the time it quit raining, I was soaked. It was pretty miserable. It was in the low 70's, which I generally consider to be an excellent temperature for a bike ride , but I was drenched and the sun wasn't out yet; therefore, I was freezing my ass off. Luckily, Dad had a dry shirt in the car so we stopped and I got to change, which was enough to stop my shivering. I wish I'd had some dry socks, but I can't complain since Dad sacrificed his dry shirt for me. (Thanks, Dad. You're the man.) I just don't deal with being cold very well anymore. I used to never get cold. Now it seems like I am constantly freezing. It must be all the layers of fat that I have shed. I am less insulated now. Anyway, from now on, I'll be keeping a dry shirt and socks in the car just in case. Live and learn. After the rain, everything went smooth. We cruised to 70 miles with no problems. We're total bad-asses! My legs feel a little tired, but I am sure I'll be as good as new by tomorrow. 70 is nothing. Bring on 80!

After the ride, I went home, got cleaned up, wolfed down some lunch then waited for a GDB instructor to come by for a follow up visit with Cinnabar. The school sends someone out once a year or so just to check on their dogs and make sure they are being cared for. I was really nervous about the visit. When GDB was in town last year, I was out of town so I didn't get a visit. This was my first follow up visit since I brought Cinnabar home almost 2 years ago. They would've come out sooner if I had been having any problems, but things have been pretty smooth and the little things that have come up have been easy enough for me to handle on my own. I have been told by many people that the follow up visit is no big deal and totally painless, but I am a worrier by nature so since the process was new to me, I got myself a little puckered up over it. As it turned out, it really was no big deal. Cinnabar must have known we were being checked out because she was on fire . She was absolutely perfect. We totally rocked and as usual, I was puckered up for no good reason. I really need to figure out how to not get myself so worked up.

Cinnabar only has one issue that I felt like I might need help with, so I told the instructor about it. Basically, Cinnabar thinks she's British. When we are in a mall or casino or some indoor place with wide walkways, Cinnabar insists on walking as far left as possible. This is great when we are doing sidewalkless travel and need to hug the left curb of the street. But indoors, it is really annoying to walk against the grain of foot traffic. I have been working on this problem some on my own and it has gotten better, but since I had the luxury of a dog trainer on my doorstep, I thought it would be a good idea to get some input. We ended up going to a mall to see if we could get Cinnabar to pull me to the left. Of course, she wouldn't do it. There were a couple of times when she was tempted to pull over to the left and she looked longingly in that direction, but ultimately, she held her line like a good little American dog. I was stunned. I can't believe I couldn't get her to screw up once. It was pretty hilarious. The instructor said we looked great and she really liked how I handled Cinnabar. I explained what I had been doing to work on Cinnabar's British walking and she said I was handling the problem perfectly. She told me that this was an area where persistence on my part would eventually fix the problem. It was a great visit. Things really couldn't have gone better. It was also a good confidence booster right before The Bar and I head off to Detroit together this Friday. We are totally going to kick ass! Woo!

After my awesome GDB visit, I spent the rest of the day chillin' by the pool. Cinnabar and Horatio had a good swim and wore themselves out. Now I am just finishing up my laundry so I can go to bed. I've been up since 4:45 and after 70 miles, the GDB visit and too much sun, I am exhausted. I will be going to bed early tonight. Well, that's the plan anyway. I seem to make plans to go to bed early only to get distracted by something and end up staying up way too late. I can always sleep at work instead. (Ha! that's a joke. I never sleep at work. I am a good, productive employee. Please don't fire me.)

Toodles

Woo hoo! Problem solved. I now have a room for the NFB Convention. My local chapter president checked with some of her contacts and got me in touch with a chick from California who was looking for a roommate for the convention. I'm a little nervous about sharing a room with a total stranger, but we talked for a bit on the phone and she sounds normal enough. I am reasonably certain I won't be murdered in my sleep which is really all I ask. I think things will work out fine. I'm ready to go. It will be exciting to take a trip on my own. It's a bit out of my comfort zone, but I think it will be good for me. Hopefully I won't get Cinnabar and myself into too much trouble.

Sadly, I don't really have anything else to talk about. There have been some interesting developments going on at work but I can't talk about it even though I really want too. We had a really entertaining case come through the office but I'm bound by confidentiality. I am also going to get started doing some new duties soon, but since the details aren't all worked out yet, I'd better keep my trap shut. At least things are finally getting interesting for a change.

So, basically, life is good. I'm looking forward to some weekend bike rides and chillin' by the pool. I'm hoping to get some shopping done too. All of my clothes are 2 sizes too big and I feel ridiculous. I'm tired of walking around in tents. I can't believe some of this stuff actually used to be tight on me. I was such a cow! No more though. I am well on my way to being hot. Yay me!

Later, bitches!

I am so frustrated right now. I finally decided that I would crack open the wallet and spend the cash to go to the NFB convention in Detroit. I had a hard time reaching this decision for a combination of reasons. Basically, I'm cheap and didn't want to spend the money, Detroit is not a very appealing destination for me and the NFB kind of freaks me out. To be fair, I'm not crazy about ACB either, but NFB freaks me out a little more. Don't get me wrong - they do great things for the blind community as does ACB. They just kind of come off weird and militant and I don't feel comfortable with the organization. But, I have friends who are going to the convention and I do enjoy getting to cruise through the exhibits and check out all the latest blindy technology so I have no doubt I will enjoy myself even if I'm not totally on board with the organization.

So, I bought a plane ticket then got on the phone to reserve a room. Turns out I should have checked on a room first because they AR all booked up. Oops. No worries though. I'll figure something out. I just got word of a friend of a friend who is looking for a roomie, so maybe that will work out. I'm not crazy about sharing a room with a stranger, but it's not like I'll be in the room much anyway. I'll survive I guess. Who knows? I might even like the chick and end up with a new friend. It'll work out in the end I guess. I'm kind of nervous about it right now though. I'll feel better once I'm sure I have a place to stay.

Dad and I took a 60 mile ride on Sunday. It was awesome. It was our first attempt at 60 miles so I was expecting to struggle. The first time we did 50 miles, I thought I was going to die. But for some reason, the jump to 60 miles was a snap. I could've gone 70 or 80 miles and still been OK. It felt really good. I can now say with confidence that my goal of doing a 100 mile race in October is totally doable. I have always thought I could get there but part of me wondered if I was being too ambitious with my 100 mile goal. After Sunday, I have no doubt that I can do it. It's as good as done. I am going to kick ass.

Speaking of ass, I think the main reason that the ride on Sunday was so successful was that I didn't have the usual ass pain. It turns out that not only can we get more power by doing some standing while pedaling but there is the added benefit of ass relief. We were only off the seat for 5-10 seconds at a time, but even that little bit of a break from the seat made my ass feel 100 times better. I was never worried about having the leg to do 100 miles, but I couldn't figure out how I was going to get through the ass pain. Now I get it. Problem solved. I am so pumped. That cycling clinic at the Endeavor Games saved my ass, literally.

The news story that I was rambling about regarding the Endeavor Games and my friend Benny is on the News 9 web site. you can check it out here. There is a link near the top of the page to play the video. It really is a good story. Benny is the man.

That's all I've got on my mind for now. I guess I'd better get some sleep. Later.

I had a really awesome day today. Dad and I participated in the Endeavor Games. It's a local paralympic event with lots of different events for physically disabled athletes. The event has been around for 10 years, but this is the first year that they have had a cycling event. It was only a 4K time trial, but they had a category for blind tandem teams so Dad and I decided to go for it. Dad and I concentrate on distance riding so doing a sprint was new to us. Our time was 7:19 and earned us a gold medal. Of course, we were the only blind team there so all we had to do to get a gold was finish. But, we still had one of the fastest times of all the riders. There were several categories of riders. They had riders using hand cycles and amputees riding upright bikes with prosthesis. There were some CP guys riding uprights as well. It was a really fun event. Everyone was really supportive and cheered everyone else on. Since it was a new event for the games, the cycling competition was pretty relaxed and kind of disorganized, but it was a great time and I plan to do it again next year. Hopefully they will have some longer course options available.

In addition to the time trial, I also had a chance to go to a cycling clinic on Thursday evening. There was a coach from the U.S. paralympic cycling team who was there to give pointers. The clinic Dad and I went to was full of newbies who had never ridden before and were just there to check out the sport. Dad and I were the only experienced riders and of course, the only tandem. We got quite a bit of 1 on 1 time with the coach. He showed us some techniques for taking corners faster and helped get us started on standing up in the pedals which is helpful for powering up hills. Dad and I had been hesitant to try that on our own, but the coach worked us through some drills and had us standing and pedaling within 10 minutes. After the clinic, we headed straight over to Lake Hefner to try out our new skills. We knocked nearly 2 minutes off our fastest time for a lap around the lake. It was sweet. Part of that was probably adrenaline from the clinic and light winds, but I think the coaching helped too. It was great.

After our cycling event today, we went over to the track where my friend Benny was running in 4 events. Benny, in addition to being the nicest guy on planet Earth, is a 66 year old blind marathon runner who I have been acquainted with since childhood. We more recently became good friends when I was playing beep ball. Benny was the best fielder on the team . He's basically a stud. Anyway, this year, Benny got local sports personality, Toby Rowland, to be his sighted guide for the Endeavor games. Toby is a sportscaster for KWTV 9 and hosts a morning sports talk radio show on KREF 1400. Benny got me listening to Toby's radio show last football season and I've been a semi-regular caller since. I mainly call in for contests because I am ridiculously competitive like that. Anyway, to make a long story short, I met Toby in person for the first time today. He's a pretty cool dude. He is as nice in person as he seems on the radio. Toby had a channel 9 camera crew with him and did a story about Benny and the Endeavor games. The 6 o'clock story was good and they will be showing more of it at 10. I'll stay up and watch even though I am getting up at 5 in the morning for a 60 mile bike ride. I could just watch it on the Internet tomorrow, but Benny is one of my favorite people ever and I really want to see his moment of TV glory so I will sacrifice sleep for him.

Other than my first Endeavor Games experience, I haven't really done too much of anything interesting. I did finally see the new Star Trek movie. I wanted to see it in DVS, so I had to wait 3 weeks before the local AMC got the DVS version. The movie was sweet and totally satisfied my inner Trekkie. I was initially not sure that I liked it because the Star Trek timeline was changed by time traveling Romulans. I had to let that simmer overnight before I decided that I was Ok with it. I was pretty satisfied by the movie. I loved Leonard Nimoy's role in the film because I have been and always shall be a little bit in love with Mr. Spock. I thought all the actors did a good job stepping into characters that have been made famous by others. I especially enjoyed the new MC coy and Spock. I had no trouble accepting either one of them. There were lots of neat little shout outs to the die hard fans but it was freshened up and made accessible to new fans as well. Much love goes to J.J. Abrams for not screwing that up.

I have also been spending entirely too much time reading. I have been reading so much that my brain has been lost so often in fiction that I have had trouble getting focused on the real world. I have had to make myself back off a little bit. A prolonged visit into dreamland really hampers my productivity. It also helps explain my recent lack of updates. It's hard to write this crap when I spend so much time reading stuff that is infinitely better than anything I could ever come up with. I really want to write something meaningful but I am really just a hack. I am envious of anyone who can make a living at writing.

Other highlights of my boring life since my last update include a visit to the Hunky Retina Guy who was ever so complimentary about my weight loss. (I'm down 50 pounds since August by the way. I rule.) I have nothing major to report about the HRG visit. I'm still blind (duh) and I am sure the Hunky Retina Guy is still hunky. I also went to Dallas with Dad to see Cake for the 4th time. They were awesome as usual. It was a great show because Cake was the only act. They played 2 sets and I didn't have to suffer through a lame warm up band. I wish all concerts were like that. I also saw the B-52's. There was a time in high school when I listened to nothing but the B-52's. I have always wanted to see them. I had mixed feelings about seeing them now because they have resorted to taking the dinosaur rock band tour through Indian Casinos, but I really couldn't pass up an opportunity to finally see the World's Greatest Party Band. It was a decent show, although it was a little depressing. It was at one of our local Indian Casinos and the place was half empty. Most of the audience members were in their 40s and 50s. There are few things more depressing than a band that is past it's prime. Still, they totally rocked the house with "Rock Lobster", "Love Shack" and "Planet Claire". It was worth a little depression to get to see those classics in person.

OK, Benny's story came on while I was spell checking so I'll give my thoughts on it real quick. It was a little heavy on the "disabled people are inspirational heroes" stuff for my tastes and I could've lived without the tinkly pianos of heartwarmingness that accompanied the story, but Toby has a way of pulling that off without making it feel patronizing. I know that particular story angle appeals to people, but I don't really know how to handle it. Things that are amazing to sightlings are just normal life to me so I can't quite grasp what's so special about it. I have had people tell me how they are so inspired by things that I do and I always wonder why. I'm just living my life like anyone else. anyone in my position would do the same thing. You don't have a choice. You either give up and hide or learn to deal with it and move on. I put my pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else except I don't need to waste electricity to power a light bulb to do it. I don't see why that makes me special and I have to fight the urge not to be offended by people who find it special. From my point of view,people who find it amazing that I can walk, dress myself, cook, use a computer, or even ride a bike are really saying that they are surprised to find that I am not a helpless lump who is incapable of doing anything. I am supposed to be complimented because I exceed the ridiculously low expectations that society has of blind people. I can't quite get on board with that. I think my issues with this particular trait of sightlings comes from the fact that I have experienced life as being treated like a "normal" person and being treated as a person with a disability. There is a huge difference. The thing that bugs me most about being blind isn't the day to day frustrations or having to adapt and do things differently. That's something that can be learned and it's no big deal. What really eats at me is the way I am now treated by strangers. People are afraid to talk to me. They tip toe around my blindness so as not to be offensive and assume that I am tragic and helpless. It's very isolating and unsettling. I would much rather have people relax and treat me like a person rather than an object of pity. I understand that people may not be familiar with blindness. That's OK. I don't expect people to be experts. If people have questions, fine. Just ask. It's really not a big deal and people are just too serious and uptight about the whole thing. I don't want to be special. I just want to feel normal. But I've gotten off on a tangent that I didn't intend to get into and I suspect that I might be a little unreasonable with my views. I do tend to have a chip on my shoulder when it comes to what I perceive to be people's expectations of my abilities and am aware that I am inclined to overreact to this kind of stuff. What I really want to say is that Toby brought the inspirational aspect to the story without hacking me off. Toby delivers his reports with a sincerity that allows him to do the inspirational shtick without seeming like he's exploiting people for a good story. There was a little humor and it showed disabled people in a positive light. I really have no reason to complain about good publicity for people with disabilities. So, well done Toby and congrats to you for guiding Benny to 4 more gold medals.

Oh man, it's late. I am so screwed. Must go to bed now. Toodles.

I have been reprimanded by several readers for my lack of a new post on AudreysAudities.com. (and by several, I of course mean 2. Yes, I'm quite popular.) While I have made numerous attempts to write something, I find that I am suffering through a bit of verbal constipation. I have plenty to discuss but just can't get it out in a satisfying manner. So, while I sort out my issues, you'll just have to continue to be patient. But since I don't want to leave you totally empty handed, I will share one amusing anecdote before I disappear in order to subject myself to much self-analysis in an attempt to get my verbal groove back.

I recently went to Target with the parents to look for pool furniture. Cinnabar and I were cruising through the store when I was suddenly asked the dumbest question ever about my guide dog. A kid asked me "Is that a real dog?" Now, I realize I should cut this dude some slack because he was a kid. But he was 10 or older and in my opinion, he was old enough to distinguish real dogs from toy, robots or any other kind of immitation dog. So, I feel zero guilt about laughing my ass off instead of seriously answering his question. In case you were wondering, the previous dumbest question ever asked about my guide dog was, "Does that dog live with you?" Believe it or not, I've heard that one twice and both times, it was an adult. Really, do these people think I just go to the guide dog rental store every morning and pick up a dog? I don't handle these really dumb questions very well. It's really hard not to laugh in peoples' faces when I get asked this crazy stuff.

So, there you go. One amusing anecdote. Well, it was amusing when it happened. It may not be as amusing in anecdote form. Whatever. It's all I've got.

Toodles.

Hey everybody. I'm just chillin' and watching the Thunder on TV and figured I'd drop in with a note. I really have nothing too exciting to talk about, but maybe I'll come up with something that's not a total waste of time.

Speaking of wasting time, have I mentioned that you can now follow meon Twitter? Yeah, I thought so. Seriously though. I am totally infatuated with Twitter. I'm following half a dozen former Star Trek actors. My inner geek is intrigued. I'm also following several athletes. It's all just so hilarious. I'll be so much more productive when the new wears off of Twitter for me.

Oh, I do have something kind of exciting to talk about. I got hassled by the man about my guide dog! Last night I went to the casino with Mom and my Aunt. I have been there at least a dozen times with Cinnabar and no one has ever batted an eyelash. But last night, I just happened to cross the path of an uninformed security guard. When we entered the casino, this security dude walked up to me and told me that it was OK for me to bring my dog into the casino but she couldn't go into any restaurants. So of course I pointed out to him that my dog was a service animal. He said, "yeah, I know, but she can't go into restaurants." So I said, "yes she can." Then I explained the law to him and he said,"Oh well I was told just today that service dogs weren't allowed in restaurants." I said, "well, you were told wrong." Then he was all apologetic and let me go on my way. When we got over to the restaurant, we were seated and no one said a word. Fortunately, it really wasn't that big of a deal, but it was kind of exciting to me just because I've never been denied access with Cinnabar or even gotten questioned about it too much. I really think this guy was just new and someone gave him bad information. He was very nice about it and really the whole thing was just kind of funny. It was the first time I've ever had to explain the law to anyone. It was a good test for me. I feel really good about how I handled it. I didn't get mad or freak out or anything so that's good to know that I can handle dealing with access issues without getting all emotional.

The rest of my casino visit was uneventful. The crab legs on the buffet were exceptionally good last night. They were cooked just right and were a little bigger than normal. I had no luck at the slots, but I did only lose $30 so that's not too bad. It was a fun way to kill a Friday night.

The other day, my dad called to ask me a totally random bathroom etiquette question. I was going to put this on Twitter, but I recently had several Tweets about farts and I don't want to give the impression that I am obsessed with farting and/or bathroom humor. I'm really not. It's just a coincidence that my dad proposed this question while I had the fart tweets going on Twitter. Anyway, as a public service, and because I have very strong opinions about bathroom etiquette, I will answer Dad's question here so that you may all benefit from my wisdom. So, here's the question: Is it ok for a dude to rip a fart while using a urinal in a public restroom when there is another dude at the next urinal? I say no. My rule of thumb is if it is possible to make eye contact with a stranger, then farting is off limits. If you're in a full stall, rip away but not at a urinal. This rule applies to all public places, not just restrooms. So, if you're in a store and you're the only person on an aisle, or even if there's a person at the opposite end of the aisle with their back turned, fart away. If there's eye contact, then clamp up and hold it in until a safe release can be made.

There you go. Mystery solved. So glad I could help. Wasn't that fun? Maybe I'll start a regular advice column pertaining solely to bathroom etiquette. Send me your questions. I am an authority on all things related to bathrooms. And if I don't have an adequate answer, I will consult with Lou and we will come up with a rule for you. Yeah, that would be awesome. I've been wanting to do some public service. I think I just found my calling.

Hmmm, I guess that's all I can think of for now. I think I'll post this and see what else I can find to do to waste a little more time before bed. Later.

Hey, y'all. I'm watching the end of the Thunder game. We're losing to San Antonio by 10 with 1:49 to go. I'm guessing it's safe to call it a loss, but we'll see. Anyway, thanks to the awesomeness that is wireless internet access, I can sit on my couch, and watch the Thunder while surfing the net on my Pac-Mate. That is so cool. I realize this is not new technology, but I just got the wireless access a couple of weeks ago, so it's still new and exciting to me. I waste so much more time on the internet now because I can watch TV and play on the net at the same time. I enjoy multi-tasking. Anyway, on with the update...

Dad and I rode in our first organized bike ride on the tandem last weekend. Dad has done lots of rides on his own and I even did one when I was a kid, but this was our first one on the beast. We rode the 33 mile tour in the Redbud Classic. We were kind of worried going in because there are some hills on the course and we haven't done much training on hills. But, as it turned out, we managed just fine. We figured out a cool system where we take turns kicking in on hills. We are both pedaling the whole time up the hill, but we alternate turns where we're really attacking the hill and pedaling hard. It was really helpful, especially to me since I am not as strong as Dad. I can do pretty good with short bursts up a hill but it's hard to sustain the power over an entire hill. Being able to back off some while Dad took the lead helped me keep my legs strong for the whole 33 miles. We both felt great after the race. I believe I could have easily finished the 52 mile tour, but it was wise for us to start small just in case. I wasn't really bothered by being surrounded by other bikes either. I was concerned that all the noise of other riders around us might be disorienting or freak me out a little. But, it was nothing. Bikes are like cars in that they sound closer than they actually are, but I compensated for it very quickly and wasn't uncomfortable at all. Of course, it helps that I trust Dad as much as I do. If we ever end up in a wreck, I can guarantee that it will be because some dumbass around us did something stupid. Dad is the man at keeping us out of trouble.

So, was that the worst NCAA Championship game ever? It's the most boring one I can remember. What a blowout. I feel bad for Michigan State. I kind of like Tom Izzo for some reason so I was pulling for the Spartans. Unfortunately, they were never in it. Too bad. I really can't stand North Carolina. I just can't take any sports' team seriously when they are wearing baby blue. What an awful color for a uniform. I can't understand why it's so popular. For instance, everyone seems to love the San Diego Chargers baby blues. But, I just think they're silly. Grown men should not be wearing baby blue. It's ridiculous. I really have nothing wrong with the color in general. I just don't think it belongs in sports. It's the same with teal and to a lesser extent, purple. I love purple. It's my favorite color, but generally, it doesn't do much for me on a uniform. I do like it paired with gold where purple is the secondary color, but that's really about it.

I am totally addicted to twitter. If I know you and you don't have a Twitter account, please get one even if the only thing you do is follow me. Wait. What am I saying? I don't even care if I know you. I just greedily want more followers. You don't have to update at all. I will be perfectly happy to watch my number of followers increase and require nothing more to keep me entertained. You can follow me here. I am just fascinated by the pointlessness of it all. It's just good, time-wasting fun.

So it's official. the Thunder lost. At least they didn't get blown out as bad as they did in their last 2 games. I guess I'll get this posted and go to bed. Later.

What up, bitches?

OK, I know it's been awhile, but I've had some personal issues going on that have been distracting me from silly frivolities like this blog. I don't want to get into it much because this really isn't the place for it, but to make a long story short, Randy and I have divorced. It was finalized today. It was a very civil process and I am thankful to Randy that he was able to put any bad feelings aside and work things out without a lot of drama and bickering. I'm having kind of mixed emotions to the divorce being final. On the one hand, I'm sad and disappointed that things turned out this way, but I'm also glad to have the process behind me and am looking forward to part 2 of my life. My biggest regret is knowing that I have hurt Randy with my decision to get a divorce, but I hope that over time he will be able to move on and find happiness. I wish him the best and hope things go well for him. It just got to a point where I had to do what I felt was best for me, so that's what I did. I'm ok with my decision and I know I'll do just fine on my own. That's all I really want to say about the matter, so I will now move on to my normal inane BS.

In other, less depressing news, you can now follow me on Twitter! It's the same awesome crap you read here, only shorter. Isn't that special? I know I'm excited about it.

So, what the Hell have I been up to since my last entry? Let's see. I went to Mobile, Alabama for TU's bowl game against Ball State. It was a fun trip . It poured down rain during the game and TU basically demolished Ball State. TU didn't give up a first down during the second half. It was a dominating performance. I managed not to injure myself this time around, but I did get the flu while I was there which totally sucked ass. I don't know what's up with me and Alabama, but my past 2 visits have resulted in health related mishaps. On the plus side, I did win 20 bucks in the casinos on this trip, so that's something.

I went to Vegas in February for the annual birthday trip. It rocked. I played a lot more blackjack than I usually do and I had a blast. Dad and I worked out a good system where he could read cards for me and I could play without slowing down the table at all. It was sweet. There were several times where the dealer and other players at the table had no idea I was blind. How they didn't notice the dog is beyond me, but I guess in Vegas there's too much going on to notice a dog. I did really well playing blackjack too. The first 3 or 4 times I played, I got a little bit ahead. I lost the last couple of times, but I still finished ahead at the blackjack tables for the trip. Things didn't go so well at the slots, but still, I only lost 150 bucks or so. That's pretty damn good for 5 days in Vegas. I'll take that every time. We also had some awesome meals in Vegas. My favorite was this Italian place called Nora's . The food was amazing and I had a really bitchin' apple martini. There was carmel drizzled around the edge of the martini glass that made it like a liquid carmel apple. It was really tasty. I wish I had one of those right now. Mmmm, carmel apple-tini.

I probably did some other stuff in the past 3 and a half months, but that's all that's coming to mind at the moment. I think I went to some concerts or something too, but hell if I can remember now. I'll come back to it later if I remember, but I'm pretty sure I've hit the interesting highlights.

So, I guess I'll call it a day. Now that things are settling down personally for me, I plan to get back into a regular routine posting on AudreysAudities again, so stay tuned. And don't forget, you can follow me on Twitter. Woo! My user name is "AudreysAudities" (duh).

Toodles.

It is ridiculously cold in OKC today. In fact, hold on a minute while I call the time and temperature lady and find out how cold it is.… 16 degrees! Holy hell, that’s cold! That can’t be right. I’ll just check again.… Yeah, still 16. That blows. I hope it snows or something so I don’t have to go to work in the morning. I shouldn’t have to leave the house when it’s that cold. There should be some kind of law that everything shuts down when it’s below 20 degrees. I’m too old and cranky to go out when it’s that cold.

When I got home from work this evening, I naturally put on my warmest tater skins with the intention of hiding under my favorite blanket and watching Monday Night Football. It’s so cold, that I even opted for house shoes, which is pretty rare for me. Usually, I’m good to go with socks only. When I went in search of house shoes, I discovered that I have 5 pair and they’re all plush animals or cartoon characters. 4 pair are cows and one pair is Bullwinkle heads with antlers and everything. They’re all obnoxious. I can’t believe I’m soon to be 35 years old and I don’t have one pair of adult house shoes. How is that possible? Anyway, I settled on the least obnoxious cow slippers. They’re plush cow heads with horns and ears sticking out to the side. I figured they’d be warm enough and it’s not like I’m going out in public so no big deal. Well, I failed to consider how a dog might react to such goofy shoes. Cinnabar is convinced that my shoes are a dog toy and she keeps pouncing on my feet to try and chew on the ears. She’s obsessed with them. It’s pretty hilarious. My girl is such a clown.

It’s your lucky day. I have a big treat for you today. This might possibly be the greatest content I have ever provided on my blog. Are you sitting down? OK, check this out. Monday Night Football has HUGE implications for my fantasy football team. Well, technically, the team is half Randy’s, but we all know who the brains behind the operation is. (It’s a joke, Randy. Relax.) Seriously though, I’m sticking with calling it my fantasy football team because it’s easier than having to remember to type “our”. Besides, it’s my blog and I’ll do what I want. Anyway, my team, the “Green Monstahs”, is down 34 points in a first round playoff match up against my Dad’s team of losers AKA “Scorgasm Addict”. Dad’s losers are done for the week, but I have Donovan Mcnabb and Brian Westbrook going in tonight’s game. I feel like I have a 50/50 chance for the come from behind victory. So, since there’s nothing more entertaining than reading about someone else’s fantasy football team, I give you my running commentary as I watch Monday Night Football and agonize over my fantasy football team. I know. It’s awesome. You’re welcome. Enjoy!

Woo! I'm ready for some football! But I am sick and tired of that stupid MNF theme song that repeatedly inquires about my readiness. I know they've been using that song forever and I'm generally all for tradition, but that song is seriously played out. Time for a new intro, guys.

Philly takes the opening kick off and proceeds to drive down the field like shit through a goose. Touchdown pass from McNabb to Curtis. The Monstahs are off to a good start.

Cleveland drove the field pretty easily then stalled and settled for a field goal. Nice drive. It didn't take much time off the clock and now Philly gets the ball back.

Philly's second drive isn't as smooth but they've still managed to get into the red zone.

Holy crap! McNabb almost got picked off. The key word is almost. OK, third and goal... dammit! Incomplete pass. Philly kicks a field goal. I can't believe they didn't go for it on 4th down. I don't get points for field goals. Don't they realize my fantasy season hangs in the balance? Selfish bastards!

Another Cleveland possession. Who cares. Let's go check the score of the only game that matters.
Scorgasm Addict 72.70
Green Monstahs 52.35

Woo!. I'm reeling him in. Philly needs to get the damn ball back.

Oh yeah! 4th down for Cleveland. Punt bitches!

Philly has another good drive going. Lots of passing. McNabb is looking pretty sharp so far. Philly is at mid field. Keep it going guys. Ooh, there's a nice run by Westbrook. Philly is on the Cleveland 34. And there's a pass to Jackson to get the Eagles to first and goal. Go Monstahs!

Well that was stupid. Philly lined up in the Wildcat and Jackson threw an interception in the end zone. Dammit! At least McNabb didn't throw it so I don't lose points. The drive was going great. Why the hell did they have to try and get cute?

Ugh. Tony Kornheiser just asked why Philly would resort to trickery when the drive had been going so smoothly. I can't believe I just made the same argument as Kornholer. Kornholer is an idiot. Excuse me while I go vomit.

Interception Asante Samuel! NOOO! Tackle him! Crap! He scored. Now the offense doesn't get to touch the ball. See what happens when I have the same thoughts as Tony Kornholer? The fantasy gods punish me with a defensive touchdown. I'm going to go throw myself in front of a bus. I'm sick. I can't lose to my dad. His team sucks ass. He barely squeaked into the playoffs. I finished the regular season in first place. This can't happen.

OK, Cleveland just punted again. Philly has the ball. I am trying to relax.

Will someone please tell Tony Kornholer to shut up. He's going on and on about who will replace Romeo Crennel when he gets fired. What a waste of time. He hasn't been fired yet. We don't need to debate about his replacement just yet. A play just happened and Kornholer and the third guy in the booth whose name is totally slipping my mind at the moment won't shut up about Crennel so the play by play guy can make the call. Lame. Shut the hell up and talk about what's happening on the field. Why are there 3 guys in the booth anyway? Too many cooks if you ask me.

Actually, the real question is why am I listening to this on TV? I can't really answer that one. I usually listen to the radio, but I guess I figured I'd get more material from the TV broadcast. It was kind of a gut decision that I really didn’t think about. I can’t argue with my instincts here since TV sports broadcast are comically bad most of the time. My decision resulted in an opportunity to throw around the name "Kornholer" so that's something.

OK, 2 quick passes have Philly on the 12 yard line. Score, you bastards!

Time out. Only 47 seconds to go. This feels like a field goal.

Pass to the 2. On the next play, Westbrook gets the hand off and the refs can't decide if he's in or not. Meanwhile, 7 or 8 seconds have run off the clock while Philly tries to figure out if they need to use a timeout. Shit. No touchdown. He was right there on the goal line. That’s going to bite me in the ass. I can feel it.

Now Philly has no timeouts and 9 seconds left.

Interception in the end zone. The Cleveland defender ran it back 97 yards but got caught before he could score. No time left. It’s halftime.

Son of a bitch! I'm going to lose. Karma is catching up with me after the way I greased into a FFL championship last year. I should have lost in the Championship game but squeaked out a win because my Dad started Tony Romo for the infamous Jessica Simpson game. I still owe that skank a thank you card.

Sigh. Let's go for another score update.

Scorgasm Addict 72.70
Green Monstahs 58.60

I'm within striking distance but I'm still nervous. Actually, I'm nauseous. I wouldn't even have to be sweating this out if I had started Bernard Berrian instead of Anthony Gonzales. I'm so pissed at myself.

Ooh, here's a commercial for a new Mortal Kombat game. I used to play MK3 on my Sega Genesis back in the day. That game was the bomb. The fatalities were hilarious. They were so over the top. Ah, those were good times.

OK, Cleveland's first possession resulted in a punt. Philly takes the ball on the 20.

Kornholer and the third guy are arguing again. Grr. Just shut up and call the game, you assholes!

OK, Philly is inside the 20 again. Here comes another turnover.

No turnover this time, but no touchdown either. Philly has been in the red zone 5 times and only has one offensive touchdown to show for it. I am seething with rage. By the way, Akers just kicked a field goal in case you care. No one should care since I don't get points for that, but whatever. Stupid, crappy red zone offense. They've been doing this to me all season.

Cleveland has the ball again, but since I don't care about that, I'll entertain myself by talking about the way Billy Simms made an ass of himself at the Heisman presentation. In case you missed it, He repeatedly screamed "Boomer!"
after Sam Bradford was announced as the winner. For those of you not from Oklahoma, this is part of an OU fan mating call which they use to seek each other out in order to have Sooner love-fests together. The appropriate response is "Sooner!" So Simms keeps screaming "Boomer" until Bradford finally gives in and begrudgingly responds. He sounded totally embarrassed and I felt really bad for him. Someone really needs to pull Billy aside and tell him to stop embarrassing the entire State of Oklahoma. That little Boomer Sooner mating call is lame even in appropriate situations. But in a formal award ceremony, when it is shouted 11 times in a 31 second time period, it's completely ridiculous and embarrassing. I feel bad for Bradford. He just won college football's highest individual honor and all anyone was talking about on sports radio this morning was Billy Simms acting like a jackass. Way to steal Bradford's moment, dumb ass.

And once again Philly drives down to the red zone and peters out. Another field goal. I am going to lose by less than 5 points. I can feel it. Philly is totally bored with this game. They're up 20 now and just playing not to lose. They are going to totally bone me. All I need is one more measly touchdown and they're going to jack around and kick field goals the rest of the night. I'm practically suicidal at this point.

The score is currently
Scorgasm Addict 72.70
Green Monstahs 64.40

Philly is back on offense. Buckhalter just ran the ball to the red zone. The next play was a Touchdown pass from MC nab to Lewis. It won't be enough. I didn't pick up enough yardage points on the drive. Why wasn't Westbrook in the game. That Burkhalter run should have been to Westy. I need some garbage yards from my guys, but I don't think it's going to happen. I'm so depressed.

Scorgasm Addict 72.70
Green Monstahs 70.90.

There's still 11 minutes to go. As long as they don't pull the starters, I have a chance.

Cleveland goes 3 and out. For the love of God, please don't pull the starters.

Fuck me. The backups are in. I'm toast. I knew karma was going to bite me in the ass.

Oh yeah, the backup QB just threw and interception that was returned for a touchdown. Maybe McNabb will come back in. Please?

Nope. They're sticking with the backup. It's over. I deserved this. I've been getting lucky all season. It was only a matter of time before my luck ran out. And like I said, the Fantasy Gods owed my Dad for the Jessica Simpson game last year. Still I have a consolation game next week and can get third place money. That's better than nothing.

Good luck to Dad who will take on the number 2 seed Born to Run in the championship game next week. BTR has been hot down the stretch putting up ridiculous numbers. I will take on the Fighting Vultures in the 3rd place game.

I'm not going to lie. I'm bummed out. But, it's still been a good season and I've made the playoffs 3 years in a row now. That's not bad.

All right. I'm off to proofread and post this so I can get to bed. I hope you've enjoyed my ranting and raving. At least Dad will enjoy this since he was on a plane home from Vegas and didn’t get to experience this drama himself. Toodles.

O, what a glorius day!!! Yes we can! Go Barack! Woo hoo!!!!!

Tomorrow is Election Day. I can't wait until it's over. This campaign has seemingly been going on forever and I've had enough. If McCain wins, my brain will probably implode. I really don't think I could handle it. I was nauseous and depressed for 2 months after "W'" won the second time. Oops, I should clarify that. I mean when he won the election for his second term. That was actually only the first time he won an election. Anyway, let's just say I am not going to be in good shape on Wednesday if the Republicans steal another election. It could easily push me over the edge.

Speaking of the campaign, do these candidates actually think their recorded phone calls are effective? Do people really listen to these things? I hang up the instant it becomes clear to me that I'm listening to a recording. This generally occurs about 1.3 seconds into the call. They don't have the time to make some calls or come up with living people to make their calls yet I'm supposed to use my time to listen to their recording begging for my vote and warning me that their opponent is a child molesting, devil worshiper who runs over puppies. Right. I really want to spend my time that way. I would really be interested to find out the actual percentage of these recordings that get played all the way through. It has to be really low. Of course, they probably wouldn't be doing it if it didn't work, so maybe people really are that stupid. Maybe I'm in the minority with my crankiness. Still, I have doubts about the effectiveness of recorded messages. It's bad enough that it's a recorded message, but the sheer number of these calls is staggering. I'm up to 2-3 calls a day. In fact, my cell phone just rang and it was yet another one of these campaign recordings. I wish I was making that up. I hung up as soon as I heard "Hi". I didn't even get to the guy's name. That's some real effective campaigning jerk.
Sigh... I can't wait until this crap is over.

Yes, I am rather bummed out about TU losing to Arkansas. I didn't think we had a shot at a BCS bowl – even with an undefeated season, so that aspect of it doesn't bug me at all. I love TU but I’m also a realist and understand where we fit into the national landscape of college football. There’s no respect for our schedule or conference so we’re not getting into a BCS game unless the rules say they have to let us in. I know Utah or Boise would go ahead of TU if they win out so in my mind, TU has always been and still is playing for a trip to the Liberty Bowl. What really eats me up about the loss to the Piggies is the way TU lost. They should have won that game by 2 touchdowns, but stupid mistakes and poor execution cost them the game. And now all these idiotic BCS tools in the media are going to throw out the "I told you so" BS. They're going to talk about how the little guys can't hang with BCS schools and how we were over matched. And that wasn't what happened. All day long, we were in the red zone, then a stupid penalty or turnover or a snap over the quarterback's head would keep us from scoring the touchdown. Arkansas didn't stop us. We stopped ourselves. It was really frustrating to watch because I know TU is better than that. Unfortunately, all the media clowns who will pile on and bash TU don't know what TU is all about and all the brainless idiots who listen to said clowns will believe all the drivel that spews from the media. It's still going to be a great season. I just hate that TU couldn't shut up all the doubters and mid-major haters. In the end, I guess none of that matters. I will always love TU no matter what others say or perceive about them.
Still, the fact that TU let that game slip away is going to eat at me for a few days.

As for the trip to Arkansas, we had a great time even with the loss. We found a cool tailgating spot and the TU contingent was loud and proud. I never got hassled by any Arkansas fans and had an enjoyable game day experience. That calling the hogs stuff that they do was pretty entertaining, but nowhere near as loud or intimidating as I expected. Maybe it was because they had the TU fans way over in a corner behind the end zone where we were barely in the stadium, but that place didn't even seem as loud as TU's Chapman Stadium. It doesn't make any sense since Arkansas's place is more than twice as big as TU's. It had to be because of where we were sitting. Still, it didn't seem very loud.

I really don't have anything else too terribly exciting to share. Oh wait... yes I do. Cinnabar was on ESPN. At the end of the Tulsa/UCF game on 10/26, ESPN was doing crowd shots as the clock wound down and they zoomed in for a close up on Cinnabar. My girl is a TV star. They had no interest in me. It was all about The Bar. All you could see of me was my kick ass metallic gold Chuck Taylor high tops with blue shoelaces. That's probably the best part of me to see anyway. Seriously, those shoes are awesome and deserve national TV time just as much as The Bar. Anyway, I thought that was pretty cool. I have a feeling that won't be the only time Cinnabar makes a national TV appearance. It's not like you see a lot of dogs at sporting events so she kind of stands out. Plus, she’s hella-cute and extremely photogenic. She’s a camera magnet.

OK, now I am really out of exciting stuff to talk about. Things have been pretty routine. Dad and I have been doing a bunch of bike riding. All is still going well with that. We’re up to riding 40 miles now. I think we’re going to stretch it to 50-55 miles this weekend. My ass hurts just thinking about it. I've lost 15 pounds. Yay me! My fantasy football team that I am sharing with Randy is chugging along quite nicely and appears to be a contender. I’m not going to say much else about that due to the jinx factor. Basically, life is decent. So, that's it. I'm off to watch Monday Night Football. Toodles!

I really haven’t felt very chatty lately so I’ve been on a little hiatus. Nothing new there, eh? Anyway, I was just watching game 1 of the World Series and trying to decide who to be for. Once I thought about it a minute, it wasn’t really a hard choice. And the longer I thought about it, the more riled up I got. So, pardon me while I vent…

Tampa fans, you need to bugger off. You play in a dome (lame) and have artificial turf (hella-lame). You have those stupid catwalks in your stupid little dome that redirect balls in play (totally lame). And worst of all, your all a bunch of bandwagon jumping, fair-weather jack offs that don’t deserve a team, much less a championship. You’re all a bunch of cowbell ringing, Mohawk wearing nimrods who have no business calling yourselves fans. Where were all of you during the regular season? You didn’t even bother to show up for that oh so important series with the Red Sox during the last week of August when your beloved Rays were in danger of losing the AL East lead to the Sox. Were you all in line at the team store buying your brand new caps and jerseys in anticipation of the playoffs? Cause you sure weren’t in the seats. There were more Red Sox fans at those games than Tampa fans. Hell, there were probably more empty seats than Tampa fans. You can all bite me. I hope you get swept by the Phillies. It’s sad that such a young, talented and exciting team has to be stuck with the worst stadium and fans in baseball. The Rays have played their asses off and deserve to be in the Series, but the fans make me sick. Now, I know there a few thousand die hards who have been there all along, and that’s fine. I have no beef with you true fans. But the rest of you, please shove your cowbells up your asses, cut the tags off your shiny new hats and shut the hell up. You are not fans.

Ahh. That’s better.

So what’s up peeps? I’ve been up to all my usual stuff – work, TU football, reading and basically wasting my life. But it hasn’t all been status quo for me. Dad and I got a tandem bicycle almost two months ago. It’s a blue Trek T-1000. It is affectionately known to Dad and me as “The Beast”. We’ve been riding our asses off and having a blast. The first time we took off on the bike, we damn near killed ourselves, but since then, we’ve gotten better and better. Before our first ride, Dad rode the bike around a parking lot without me on the back just so he could get a feel for the bike. This was a mistake because it gave him an over inflated sense of security since it handled basically like a normal bike. Turns out, it’s a lot different with my fat ass on the back. I climbed on and we took off. Dad decided to have us go down a little hill to take off under the assumption that it would be easier to get going. This was mistake number 2. The bike shot off faster than expected because of the extra weight. So, we were going to fast and were basically out of control. We were wobbling all over the place while Dad fought to keep us up. I felt like we were going to crash, but I stuck with it and kept my feet in the pedals like I was supposed too. Fortunately, Dad got us under control and we managed to keep going. Only later did I learn that we were about 3 feet from crashing into a curb. We had gone down a driveway and were crossing a residential street while trying to stabilize. We were almost to the curb before Dad was able to make the turn to avoid the crash. A car came up on us during this mess as well, but the guy just stopped while we sorted things out. I think this is an instance where my blindness was an advantage. I knew the car was there, but if I had seen the curb coming up on us, I probably would have panicked and tried to put my foot down. This would have surely resulted in a crash. But, I didn’t see it coming and I trust my Dad 100%. He’s been riding a bike for a long time, so I know I can trust him to keep us out of trouble. You can’t ride a tandem without trust. I have no brakes or ability to steer. My job is to sit back there and pedal while keeping my upper body still so I don’t screw up our balance. All the responsibility is on the captain. I’m just along for the ride.

After that first ride, we got better in a hurry. Our second start was scary because we were both kind of freaked out after our disastrous first start. But, it went fine. We still wobbled a little, but it was nothing compared to our first attempt. The next day, we spent about 15 minutes just starting and stopping over and over again until we got it figured out. Now we take off without even thinking about it. We rarely wobble and when we do, it’s barely noticeable.

Our other biggest challenge has probably been with me having balance issues. I used to ride a bike all the time. My Dad and I would ride together and of course I rode a lot as a kid. But, I hadn’t been on a bike in about 5 years and while I remember what it feels like and was able to jump right into it, my brain had to do a little adjusting. I was somewhat dizzy at first and often felt the sensation that we were turning even though we were going completely straight. The first time we rode, I struggled with this disorientation for the first 4-5 miles before it straightened itself out and I felt normal again. After that, it would happen for the first few miles but would clear up quicker. Eventually, I got to where my dizziness was basically gone. It resurfaced the first time we rode on a windy day and again when I had a cold and was dealing with a lot of head congestion. Now, I’m fine. I haven’t felt dizzy at all in a couple of weeks. I don’t know the actual explanation for all of this, but I suspect that the dizziness was a result of not having a visual reference to go by for balance. I felt like my brain just had to sort everything out and I had to learn to balance by feel. It was an interesting process.

I love riding the tandem. It’s one of the few things I can do where other people who happen to see us have no idea that I am blind. I get to experience just being part of the crowd instead of being a walking freak show. It’s very liberating. Plus, it’s an activity that I can do with no accommodations and where my blindness is a non-factor. It’s great. And as if that weren’t enough, I’m losing weight, getting in much needed exercise and get to spend time with my Dad which is a blast. Riding the tandem with Dad is actually more fun than when we used to ride single bikes together. On the tandem, we can ride together at his pace which is much faster than mine and we’re right there together all the time so conversation is easier. We have a lot of fun cracking jokes and discussing whatever comes to mind. It’s really awesome.

As for times and distances and what not, we started out doing about 10 miles. Last Sunday, we did our first 40 mile ride. Our goal is to work up so we can ride in a 100 mile race together. Our normal ride that we squeeze in after work is 14 miles. The first time we rode that trail, it took us almost 56 minutes. With experience, we knocked a lot of time off as we felt more comfortable with the bike and riding at faster speeds. We recently set our latest personal record for the 14 mile trail which we did in 44 minutes 55 seconds. It’s amazing to me that we have made so much improvement. Of course, that record was set under ideal conditions – no wind, freshly aired up tires and low traffic on the trail. A normal day for us is about 46 minutes. Still, that’s pretty bad ass.

You might have noticed that TU is crazy good this year and is currently 7-0 and putting up ridiculous offensive numbers. The talking heads on TV are even mentioning TU as a possible BCS buster. You might wonder what I think about all of this. Well, I don’t think about it. It feels like a crazy dream and I don’t want to wake up. I’m just taking things one game at a time and am focusing on a conference championship. Everything else is just gravy. Personally, I think the BCS stuff is unlikely and am setting my sights on the Liberty Bowl. TU just needs to take care of business on the field and all the other stuff will sort itself out. Whatever happens, this will go down as an amazing chapter in TU football history and I’m just glad I’m around to witness it. So, there you have my official stance on the matter. Now let’s just move on so I don’t say anything stupid and jinx the Golden Hurricane. Go TU!

I saw Flogging Molly again. It was amazing. We drove down to Dallas for the show at the House of Blues. We went down to the front, but on the side of the stage. It had the advantage of being close to the action but without the chaos of being front stage. I had a blast. I sang until I was hoarse. It was the most fun I’ve had at a Flogging Molly concert so far. I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it again, but Flogging Molly puts on the Best. Concert. EVER! I love those guys. I hope they continue their trend of coming to Tulsa in the spring. If they do, I’m there.

Oklahoma City finally has an NBA team. It’s very cool and I’m glad to finally have all the Seattle drama over with. I’m not crazy about the name but it could be worse so I can live with Thunder. The uniforms and logo sound underwhelming, but it’s hard to get a feel for it from verbal descriptions. It’s really hard to satisfy my uniform obsession now that I can’t see them. I think for me, missing out on uniform changes and losing video games have been the hardest losses for me to deal with while adjusting to blindness. But, I guess it’s less painful now than it was a year ago so hopefully it will continue to get easier. I still can’t sell my Playstation though. I’ll get there eventually Wow, I just totally bummed myself out. I hate it when I do that. Sigh….

There’s probably a lot of other stuff I could comment on, but I don’t really know how to fill in all the blanks from my long hiatus. So, I’m going to call it a night and go do some more reading. I’m reading the Richard Sharpe series by Bernard Cornwell. It’s about a British army officer during the wars with Napoleon. Sharpe is awesome. He makes excessive use of the terms bugger and bastard. I find this to be endlessly entertaining. I have no idea why. Of course, I am also strangely obsessed with the Napoleonic wars so I’m sure that has something to do with my enjoyment as well. Anyway, bugger off and have a nice day.

Hidily ho, Readerinos!

I'm suffering through an episode of Jay Leno because Flogging Molly is performing on the show later. I can't stand Jay Leno. He's such a whiny little pinhead. And his interviews are crap. It's just painful to watch. If it were most any other band, I'd just Tivo the show and skip all the crap. But it's Flogging Molly who I love so very much, so I will suffer through this garbage. I know Flogging Molly will make my suffering worthwhile.

I upgraded my Live journal account to get some fancy new features for the blog. The most interesting new feature is the ability to call in from my phone and record a voice post. I'm not exactly sure what I might do with that, but I think it has the potential to be mildly amusing. I can't remember the other stuff that I'm getting with the upgrade . It's actually not that entertaining, but it did only cost me $20 for a year, so what the Hell.

Ooh, here comes Flogging Molly. Woo! Ok, they're singing "Float". I was hoping they'd sing one of their more up tempo songs, but considering Leno's tight-ass, mainstream audience, that was probably a safe choice. Don't get me wrong, I love "Float" - it's an awesome song and I particularly love the fiddle playing in it. It's just not one of their frenzied, hard-driving songs that are impossible to sit still too. "Requiem For A Dying Song" would have been a rocking choice and probably pop enough to pass on this stupid show. Still, FM sounded great and blew the roof off the dump. It was awesome and made me forget the rest of that terrible Leno episode. I can't say this enough. Leno sucks.

After work today, I went out in the back yard to enjoy a little time in my hammock. As I was laying there, chillin' in the sun, I was thinking about the Simpson's episode where Homer goes to work for Hank Scorpio in Cypress Creek. There's a hilarious discussion between Homer and Scorpio about hammocks. In fact, thanks to the fine people at The Simpson's Archive I can give you the quote:

Hank: Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?
Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.
Hank: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Hank: There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got
Put-Your-Butt-There?
Homer: Mm-Hmm.
Hank: That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on third.
Homer: Oh, the hammock district.

Hank: That's right.

Now, that's probably much funnier when you see it in the show, because Albert Brooks, who is the voice of Hank Scorpio, makes that scene utterly brilliant. I also appreciate how Dan Castellaneta just stayed out of the way and kept Homer's responses so simple and deadpan. It's perfection. In the audio commentary on the DVD, they say that Brooks ad libbed that whole scene and Castellaneta just went along. It's just hilarious when you hear the delivery . Anyway, my whole point to this story is that when 5:30 rolled around, I went inside to see which Simpsons episode was on in syndication here and it was that very episode that I had been musing about in my hammock. Isn't that creepy? I think so. I stayed in an watched it of course. That's a classic. Good times.

OK, I'm done. I actually didn't have anything to say. I just wanted to distract myself from Leno. I'm going to Tulsa tomorrow for TU's Spring football game. I'm pretty excited about it. I am so ready for football season. I may not get much out of the game since I'm pretty sure it won't be on the radio, but just hearing the guys smack each other around will be fun. I can't wait. I'll pop back in later this weekend and report on the game.

Later.

Today at work, someone who works in the building asked one of my co-workers to ask me how they could donate to a guide dog organization. Now, on the one hand, I think it's awesome that someone would be sufficiently impressed by my dog and me working together to want to give money to an organization (which anyone can do by visiting www.guidedogs.com). But, why didn't this person just approach me and ask me directly. That is so annoying. I don't have the plague people. Stop freaking out about how to talk to blind people already. It's not a big deal. I know I'm blind so there's no need to tiptoe around it. I can talk just like anyone else. I'd rather answer a few polite inquiries about blindness than be treated like I have leprosy. Sightlings can be so goofy sometimes.

Since I'm kind of in a ranting mood today I'll get a couple more things off my chest, starting with my annoying talking clock. I have a talking alarm clock that wishes me a good morning/afternoon/evening, tells me the time, the date, the indoor temperature and finishes off by telling me to have a nice day. It's bad enough that the clock is ridiculously verbose, but to make matters worse, it is also nauseatingly chipper. It takes a good 20 seconds for the clock to get through all of that information when really all I want to know is the time. And chipper is not what I want to hear at 6:00 in the morning. Why oh why can't I find a simple talking alarm clock that just gives me the time without trying to be my best friend. I have a talking bathroom scale that is equally annoying. It says "hello" and "goodbye". Just shut up and tell me how fat I am! I really have no need for polite talking appliances that like to engage in chit-chat. It boggles the mind that so many talking gadgets are so wordy. The clock was so annoying that I quit using it after a month. I'll just use the alarm on my phone. At least my phone just sticks to the facts. I'm still using the scale but I usually end up cussing it out because I'm annoyed by its politeness , especially since there seems to be an implied "fat ass" after the "good bye". Stupid, bitchy, judgmental, synthesized voice.

Next up:

Dear AT&T,

please stop sending me email notices to let me know that my April bill is ready. I figured that out with the first email notice. The second one was redundant and the third one was just nagging. You'll get you're money on time. You always do, so relax!

Love,
An Annoyed Customer.

And my final complaint for the day goes out to the marketing geniuses who altered a perfectly fine Elvis song into "Viva Viagra". Was that really necessary? Now every time I hear "Viva Las Vegas" I'm thinking about some shriveled up old dude with malfunctioning equipment instead of the happy sounds of slot machines and bad lounge singers . That song is totally ruined for me now. Thanks a lot, jerks.

Enough of that, now on to my boring life. I'm trying to learn how to play the guitar. I've been working on it for a few weeks now and am making steady progress. I spent a weekend with my Grandfather up in Oologah and he showed me lots of stuff and gave me some good exercises to work on. Someday, I hope to be good enough to play in front of people. Maybe I'll start up a band, get a mo hawk and have my very own groupies... or maybe not.

TU won the inaugural College Basketball Invitational. 99% of the country is unaware that this tournament happened because the national media didn't acknowledge the tourney's existence, but it is still a nice accomplishment for a TU basketball program that is trying to bounce back after several years of sucking. I really felt like TU had a shot at a NIT bid after finishing the season strong, but it didn't happen. In many ways, the CBI tourney ended up being better. Things fell into place for TU to get to play all its tourney games at home. They used the home court advantage to build confidence, gain tournament experience and give TU fans a reason to believe that TU basketball is on the way back. I know the CBI is a minor tourney and didn't get much coverage outside the hometowns of the competing schools, but in my opinion it was just what TU needed. That CBI championship will pay dividends next season thanks to all the extra practice and experience our returning players picked up. Plus, it was a nice reward for the Seniors who went through some awful seasons at TU.

The parents and I made it up to Tulsa for 3 of the CBI games. We would have made all of them, but Mom and Dad went on a cruise (jerks!). I have to say, the games we made were a blast. The Reynolds Center hasn't rocked like that in a long time. Game 3 of the championship series was absolutely nuts. It was sold out and the fans were on their A-game. Fun times. I'm looking forward to next season and to be honest, I haven't looked forward to a TU basketball season in 5 years. I hate to admit it, but I'm basically a fair weather fan when it comes to TU basketball. I always try to keep up with what's going on, but I'm not as motivated to take the trip to Tulsa for basketball. I'm not sure why. I think it's because I'm just not into basketball generally. It's an Ok sport and a nice diversion between football and baseball season, but I just can't get myself as worked up about it. Football is another story. I'll gladly journey up to Tulsa for the crappiest of football as long as the helmets say "Tulsa" on them.
And that's why Dad and I were one of about 500 people who actually saw Keith Burns' last home game as Tulsa's coach. Actually, I believe I attended every home game during that unfortunate Burns era. Now, that's dedication. Anyway, It feels good to have the football and basketball programs on the right track at the same time.

I got Randy a Netflix subscription for his birthday. He's really gotten into watching movies since he upgraded our speakers. It was an excellent idea and Randy is really enjoying his subscription. He's always trying to get me to watch movies with him, but I just can't make myself do it. I know plenty of blind people who still enjoy movies, even without descriptive video, but I'm just not there yet. Every time I think about watching a movie, I get bitter and depressed because I know what I'm missing out on. I really enjoyed the visual aspects of movies and having watched a few as a blindy, I'm finding out how much the visual elements of a movie add to the experience. I always took it for granted, but now I really miss the costumes, scenery and effects. It all contributes so much to the story. In the 2 years since I lost my vision, I've been able to work through a lot of my grief and anger issues. For instance, I enjoy sporting events, concerts and a lot of other stuff just as much as before and I can enjoy my experiences without feeling sad about what I'm missing. But for whatever reason, I'm still hung up on the movie thing. I'm also still hung up on the video game thing. I've been trying to work up the nerve to sell my playstation for about a year and I still can't do it. I unhooked it and started to pack it up once, but I started crying and couldn't finish. I guess I just need time. Some of the loss that goes with blindness is easier to get over. I'll probably get to the point where I can part with the playstation and enjoy a movie one of these days. But considering that I'm getting all misty just writing about it, I think it will be awhile. I'm glad Randy enjoys movies and I certainly don't want him to stop watching them because of me. I just hope he understands and will let me work through my issues at my own pace.

OK, time to finish up on a happy note. Rancid is playing at the Cains Ballroom in Tulsa this June. I'm giddy and already have my tickets. Rancid has been at the top of my list of bands I'd like to see in concert who I haven't seen before. After I go see Rancid, The Bouncing Souls will move up to number 1 on that list. Come on souls, come within driving distance of Oklahoma City.

I meant to post this yesterday. Go to this link and click on the link for the video entitled "Campus Life". This video was filmed while I was at Guide Dogs for the Blind and they used a bit of the interview I gave while I was there. I'm usually not too happy with the way I sound in interviews, but I was in the zone for this one. I had just returned to the lounge after a great workout with Cinnabar and I was flying high when the public relations chick cornered me and asked for an interview. So, if you're wondering why I'm so uncharacteristically perky in the video, there's your answer. I am also extremely proud of the fact that I am wearing my Duff Beer hat during the interview. I was wondering if the quality of my words would outweigh the fact that I was wearing an ad for fictional beer on my head. Personally, I always feel smarter in that hat for some reason, so I am sure that the hat is responsible for my coherent statements. That hat is bitchin'. Enjoy!

As usual, I've been lazy/distracted and now I'm way behind with the updates. The distraction was due to my Dad introducing me to the novels of Nelson DeMille. I read "Up Country" and couldn't put it down. I've made it through 3 more of DeMille's books and am in the middle of a fifth. I have been spending every bit of my free time reading. I can't make myself stop. So once again, AudreysAudities has been put on the back burner, but on the upside, I've been taking notes, so at least I won't forget anything.

First, I should probably tell you about the eye surgery that I was rambling about in my last update. Everything went fine, but unfortunately, it didn't work. I'm not surprised nor am I particularly bummed out about it. It's what I expected and I still think it was a good gamble.
The surgery process was fairly uneventful, or maybe I've done it so many times that it doesn't seem like a big deal. Anyway, the weirdest part was having Cinnabar with me before and after the surgery. She attracted a lot of attention. The nurses in recovery were enamoured with my dog. They all gathered around chatting about their dogs and stuff. Seriously, there were 3 or more people gathered around the whole time I was in recovery. I don't know if anyone else was getting any care, but I have to say, I got top notch service as well as a nice audience when I tossed my cookies.

More interesting than the surgery was my follow up visit with the Hunky Retina Guy the morning after my surgery. We got on the elevator with an elderly couple who were also heading up to see HRG. On the ride up, the lady who had noticed my eye patch said, "I guess we're headed to the same place." Then Randy commented that the only reason I went to HRG was because I thought he was good looking. Then the lady said in a serious and slightly menacing tone, "Get in line behind me, honey. He's mine." It was so unexpected that I was kind of in shock. After mulling it over for a second, I decided not to protest because I'm pretty sure she would have kicked my ass right there on the elevator if I had argued with her. She really sounded like she meant business. It was awesome and hilarious.

Christmas was good. I was in a much better mood this year and kind of got into the Holiday spirit. I even decorated Cinnabar's harness handle with some Christmas lights. It was awesome. The presents were awesome too. I got Sirius Satellite Radio from the parents. It's great. I love all the music choices and all the sports. Sirius has the rights to the NFL which makes it the blind person's NFL Sunday ticket. It rocks. I got a kick out of getting to listen to the Seahawks radio network. I can't wait until next season. I also like getting to follow the Hornets. I miss having them here, but at least I can still listen to the games on the radio. I also got a bitchin' Red Sox sweatshirt and a cool TU sweatshirt. Cinnabar got the little boots that I've been wanting to get for her and an an awesome travel bed that will come in handy for road trips and sporting events. I also got a new CD burner to replace my busted one so I'm back in business for making mix CDs. I could go on, but I already sound like a spoiled brat, so I'll just move on.

I bought myself a Christmas present. I got a new cell phone and some new speech software to go with it. I am now using a Nokia N75 with Mobile Speak. I had been using a speech product called Talks on my old phone. I think I like Talks better. It seems like Mobile Speak responds a little sluggishly and it doesn't talk as fast or as clearly as the speech synthesizer on Talks. I'm getting used to Mobile Speak though and the differences are becoming less glaring. I probably just prefer Talks because I was used to it. Mobile Speak is a good product and it is a lot more customizable than Talks which is really nice. The phone is a flip phone which I prefer to my old phone. The battery life is pretty weak but I am basically happy with my purchase. However, I am not happy with the AT&T
center for customers with disabilities. How can a department that is supposed to address the needs of customers with disabilities send out a phone and adaptive software without providing instruction manuals in an accessible format? All I got for the phone was a print manual that is useless to me. I got nothing for the Mobile speak software but was able to find the users guide on the Internet. It wouldn't be that hard for AT&T to make electronic text manuals for their phones. In fact, They have many phone manuals on their web site. But they didn't have mine. I raised Hell with anyone who would listen to me but never got a satisfactory answer. One chick told me I could call Nokia for a Braille manual - like I really wanted to wait that long. Fortunately, all Nokia phones basically work the same, so once I finally figured out where all the important buttons were, I was able to figure the phone out on my own. I also had some issues with the license that was given to me for Mobile Speak. After 4 calls to AT&T and lots of frustration, I finally got it worked out. All I can say is that the Center for customers with disabilities has gone downhill since they switched from Cingular to AT&T.

The parents, Cinnabar and I made the trip to Mobile, Alabama for the GMAC Bowl. Tulsa pounded Bowling green 63-7. It was fun but I felt a little guilty because I think TU ran up the score a bit in an attempt to break a number of passing records. I think the records are cool and everything, but I still felt a little dirty after the game. I tooled around on a Bowling Green message board after we got home and their fans were pissed. I can't really blame them for hating us. I would have been pissed if things were the other way around. I'm torn by the whole thing. I'm happy about the records but it was a bit tacky. The rest of the trip was fun too. We went to Biloxi to gamble, ate some seafood, went to a bitchin' parade and visited an old fort. We snagged lots of moon pies an Mardi GRAS beads at the parade as well as a stuffed fish and several footballs. I discovered that Moon Pies are tasty and got to make Cinnabar wear blue and gold Mardi GRAS beads to the football game. It was cute. Except for losing at the slots and spraining my ankle at the fort, It was a great trip.

And now we're up to February, "The Month of Audrey." It started off with a trip up to Tulsa to see Flogging Molly. Once again, it was amazing. Flogging Molly puts on the best live show I have ever seen. They're great on their CDs, but they
r about a hundred times better in person. It is a life altering experience. They played several songs off the new album that comes out on March 4th and they all sounded great. I can't wait to get the new album.

I couldn't take Cinnabar to the Flogging Molly concert because it's too loud and wasn't a good environment for a dog. Since Randy and the parents went to the concert too, I had to find a dog sitter for The Bar. Dad works with a cool chick named Michelle who raises puppies for Canine Companions, Inc. and she was nice enough to watch The Bar for me. She has a lab that she raised for CCI that got bounced out of the program for some random reason at the very last minute. As it turns out, her dog, Scotty, is Cinnabar's nephew. His Grandfather is Cinnabar's dad. Anyway, Scotty is a great dog and according to Michelle, he always runs the show around other dogs. But Cinnabar went into his house and turned Scotty into a pile of mush. He spent the whole night following Cinnabar around like a lovesick teenager. He let her walk all over him. She took toys from him and even kicked him out of his bed and he didn't care. He was totally smitten with Cinnabar. It was hilarious. Michelle said she didn't even recognize her dog with Cinnabar in the house. When I went to pick Cinnabar up, she was parading around the house with a toy in her mouth like she owned the place. She kept running up and down the stairs and even dropped her toy from the top of the stairs to watch it bounce. She didn't miss me at all or even seem to care that I was there to pick her up. She clearly enjoyed herself and was in very good hands while I was away.

The Parents took me to Las Vegas for my annual birthday trip. We left on a Saturday. The Friday morning before we left, I woke up with a nasty stomach virus. I don't want to get into a lot of detail here, but I had unpleasant fluids shooting out of both ends. I stayed home from work Friday and spent most of the day in the bathroom. It was not cool. I was a little concerned that I wouldn't be able to make the trip, but I was determined to go. I think a large part of illness is mental so I just set my mind to work on getting better. I stopped throwing up Friday so I decided to tough it out and make the trip. I was a bit worried about the plane ride. That's a long time to not have access to a bathroom. Yeah, I know there are pissers on the plane, but that is about the last place in the world that I would want to do what I was fighting off. I spent the bulk of the flight with my buttocks clenched, but I made it. I spent the first 2 days in Vegas camped out in casino bathrooms, but I finally got it out of my system. I did lots of gambling and didn't lose very much money so I consider it a successful trip. I had a great time and really enjoyed cruising through the casinos with Cinnabar. She did really well with all the distractions and seemed to enjoy all the extra work.

Next up for the "Month of Audrey" was my actual birthday on the 23rd. It was a pretty quiet day. I spent most of the day reading then went to Outback Steak house for dinner with Randy and Mom and Dad. After dinner, we went to Mom and Dad's house for cake and presents and watched the first half of the Memphis/Tennessee game. Randy got me Some cool Red Sox Crocs and a Red Sox t-shirt. He also got me the bitchin' jeans that I wanted. After the festivities, Randy and I went home to watch the end of the game. I was pulling for Memphis since they are in C-USA with Tulsa, but it didn't work out. Still, It was an amazing game and was very entertaining. After the game, I went back to reading and stayed up until 1:30 in the morning so I could finish my book. I told you I am hooked on Nelson DeMille. I need help. All in all, it was a good birthday. I kind of enjoyed doing nothing all day long. It was relaxing.

And now you're all caught up. The "Month of Audrey" is winding down but March is shaping up to be a good month as well. There's the new Flogging Molly album and a new B-52's album to look forward to. I'll also be going to see NOFX and the Dropkick Murphys in concert. Then there's the awesomeness that is March Madness. It's all good.

So I think I've covered everything. Oh, yeah, there's one more thing. That fantasy football team that I was thumping my chest about was not all mine. My Mom owned half the team. While I did all the research and made most of the decisions, Mom was involved in keeping me from totally spazzing out and doing really stupid stuff. I bounced ideas off her and when I was getting too antsy about wanting to do deals, she calmed me down and made me realise that I was trying to do too much with the team. Basically, I managed the team and she managed me. And trust me, I am a handful when it comes to fantasy football. So, I was wrong to claim all the credit for the team's success and I apologize to my Mom. What I meant to say is that "OUR team" is the fantasy football champion of the world.

OK, that's it. Toodles.